There and Back Again

Friendlationships

2008-06-24T21:34:00.002-05:00

The following is a post by my friend Ann White. We both decided to take a topic and write our opinions on the subject without consulting the other. So to see my opinion on Friendlationships, click here. We might have to do this guest blogging thing again - it's kinda fun.

"So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them."
-Genesis 1:27

At the pinnacle of God's creative work, he created man and woman, and together they are a reflection of his image. I don't think I begin to understand the depth to which male and female combine, compliment, and come together to produce this union that reflects the fullness of the Lord.

But.. one of the wisest sentiments I've ever heard is that for every good gift the Lord gives us, Satan has produced a counterfeit.

The fact is that the general American population is waiting longer to get married. There are many advantages to that, but there are also pitfalls. Despite the fact that we are waiting until we're older to get married, we still have an innate drawing for that type of relational (not to mention physical) intimacy that a member of the opposite sex provides.

Same sex friendships are so important and I believe is where a lot of our character is formed and foundation laid. Friendships with the opposite sex are also so critical. We can learn how to treat each other with respect as brothers and sisters in Christ and experience some level of the balance that men and women were designed to strike together.

But like I mentioned before, for every good thing God gives us, Satan manipulates. Enter the friendlationship. This term is used to describe an increasingly common phenomenon where boundaries become confused in male/female friendships. I will admit that this is an area that I have screwed up more than my fair share of times.

Slowly and in small ways, male/female relationships can go from healthy to inappropriate. And by that I don't necessarily mean physically inappropriate, but perhaps the more dangerous emotionally inappropriate. Emotional inappropriateness can take many forms, ranging the span of all our human frailties: co-dependency, selfishness, jealousy, idolatry.

The keys to avoiding these pitfalls seem trite and cliche, but they're all too true- prayer, honesty, communication, self-discipline and restraint. Respecting and loving one another appropriately is one of the most basic and difficult lessons of life, and relationships with the opposite sex that seek to remain holy and righteous are a gift of an opportunity that God gives us to learn and grow.

Boondock Saints

2008-06-14T18:44:00.007-05:00

Last night I watched the movie Boondock Saints with my friend Kari. It was a fascinating and entertaining film. Granted it was late, so I fell asleep about ten times, but what I saw I thoroughly enjoyed. And between saying the f-word more times than I've heard in the past year in under two hours, the movie had an interesting question to offer: is it ok for vigilantes to take justice into their own hands as long as the people they are killing are universally accepted as evil?

But I am ahead of myself. The plot goes like this: Two guys, we are led to believe they are deeply spiritual, hear the voice of God one day that tells them to avenge the helpless in the world by killing the wicked. This is their "calling", if you will. So they begin attacking some of the big players in the Russian and Italian mafia with their sidekick, "The Funny Man". By the end of the story they have become local heroes, and are dubbed "The Saints" for their "laudable actions".

The people they kill are undoubtedly the wickedest men in the city they live in. I must have fallen asleep when they mentioned the town name, but I'm thinking Boston. And so we are left with the ethical dilemma - are their actions justified? These aren't vigilantes with a questionable cause. Everyone would agree that the men they killed at the minimum deserved life-sentences in prison, if not capital punishment. But because of the power these men held, getting them in prison by law enforcement is a near impossible task. So the Saints simplify the process.

During my days of religiously watching Law and Order I always sided with Jack McCoy who believed that justice was for the courts. If we allowed others to dole out justice, our system would eventually crumble and anarchy would ensue. Or so his line of reasoning would lead us to believe. This belief was so black and white, that even in the case of the Boondock Saints, he would still think that why their deeds were necessary they still needed to be punished.

After some thought, I'm going to have to say that I still agree with Jack. While the Saints killed people that would be thought of as evil by all of society, letting people carry out the law in their own hands would ultimately lead to chaos. The reason is that punishment is still an arbitrary question after a certain point. Sure, we all think rapists, child molesters, human traffickers all prey on the helpless but we all have our own opinions too. What if my family was robbed, and I suddenly viewed theft as a crime worthy of capital punishment? What gives me the right to decide what is truly evil beyond the universal laws?

Those are some of my thoughts. They aren't worthy of scrutiny in court, that's for sure. What do you think?

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories

2008-04-18T23:19:00.004-05:00

I saw a Book-Off today. I had to go in. I was never really sure what Book-Off meant in Japan, and just chalked it up to one more classic case of Jenglish (Japanese-English). But, today's Book-Off located in Vancouver, brought back pleasant memories so I decided to go in for nostalgic reasons.

Good thing I did! I found the most amazing book. The title? Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. Here is an excerpt from a rendition of Snow White:

Once there was a young princess who was not at all unpleasant to look at and had a temperament that many found to be more pleasant than most other people's. Her nickname was Snow White, indicative of the discriminatory notions of associating pleasant or attractive qualities with light, and unpleasant or unattractive qualities with darkness. Thus, at an early age, Snow White was an unwitting if fortunate target for this type of colorist thinking.

Now that's what I call balanced, politically correct writing. It's about time there was a bit more sensitivity shown in fairy, excuse me, "individual diety proxy" tales. I promise to never read to my children those biased, antiquated tales any longer. I think its time we all live up to the author's charge:

"If, through omission or comission, I have inadvertently displayed any sexist, racist, culturalist, nationalist, regionalist, aegist, lookist, ableist, sizeist, speciesist, intellectualist, socioeconomicist, ethnocentrist, phallocentrist, heteropatriachalist, or other type of bias as yet unnamed, I apologize and encourage your suggestions for rectification. In the quest to develop meaningful literature that is totally free from bias and purged from the influences of its flawed cultural past, I doubtless have made some mistakes."

May this blog live up to the same calling.

My Fear

2008-03-11T21:13:00.002-05:00

I'm afraid of knowing God. I think I've had this fear before, but now this fear seems stronger than ever.

This may sound strange. Especially if you know me. I love God. I love going to church. I love my Christian friends. I love learning all I can about God.

But still I'm afraid. I think I realized why. Because I'm proud. I'm pretty amazing. Or at least think I am. But deep down, in those moments of solitude - those times I actually slow down to contemplate - I know I'm not.

And I realize that if I start truely knowing God and following His word, I'll have to change. I may have to give up my busyness that gives an appearance of being an important Christian. I may have to give up my humor, wit, and sarcasm that gives an appearance of unbounding joy. I may have to give up my knowledge of scripture that gives an appearance of knowing God.

I need to become humble. I need to become nothing. I need to love others as I love myself. Truth is, I don't want to. Because I know I can get away fooling you from now till the day I die. But I can't fool Him. And that's what haunts me.

The Vulcan

2008-02-04T21:58:00.000-06:00

One of my coworkers informed me today that someone asked, "Is the Vulcan in today?" "The Vulcan?" he asked. "Yeah, Blake, is he in today?" I've been called many things before, but being known as the Vulcan was a new one. According to Wikipedia, a source whose veracity I never question, Vulcans are "...a humanoid species in the fictional Star Trek universe who hail from the planet Vulcan, and are noted for their attempt to live by reason and logic with no interference from emotion." I guess that's me.

It's funny, because at work, it's partially true. I work with computers all day. Well, and people too, but mainly computers and solving logical problems. My mantra at work is "1's and 0's people!" All that means is that it is either true, or not true. Something either happened, or did not happen. There is no gray-area. And with computers, that is always the case. This cold, emotionless logic serves me well.

But I wonder, like the Vulcans, if this keeps me distant and separate from people. My framework with people is often very logical. Thus I'm afraid I lose the complexity that each individual has. I believe that A causes B, and forget that A is made up of tons of other things. Inputs or parameters, if you want to use computer terms. But more than that - past emotional experiences, hurts and joys, successful and failed relationships, harsh words and words of encouragement.

Deep down, I want to be known completly. And deep down, I want to know someone completly. I just don't know how to get there.

Being a Vulcan is much like Simon and Garfunkel's 'rock'. It's safe. It's logical. But it lacks the messiness that is life. And so, this is just me trying to speak in human terms. If I've misinterpeted you, missed the emotion behind what you said (or intentionally did not say) - I'm sorry. Help me out.

And please - realize I'm not so nerdy that I use Star Trek illustrations all the time!

Emotions and Spiritual Roller Coasters

2008-01-31T21:58:00.000-06:00

I've never been really comfortable with emotions. I'm aware I have them. I'm aware I have a lot of them. But they always seem to get in the way. They seem to cause me to be irrational and illogical in my behavior. And I don't like that. Unless I'm terribly enthusiastic about something (which I know you all find hard to believe), and then I'm ok with it.

And so I find myself confused with the spiritual highs and lows I seem to go through. My spiritual life seems highly emotional. Now, granted, I also feel like my faith is firmly rooted in prayer and plenty of time in God's word, among other spiritual disciplines, but I can't begin to describe the highs and lows my faith has gone through over the past year. Past two years. Past five years.

You see, right now is a point that I really like being a Christian. I am hopeful about God's church, His plan, and His people. In fact, I like being a Christian so much that I really think that it's the best thing for people to be. That shouldn't be surprising - that's what we're supposed to think.

But I know, because experience seems to bear this out, in a few days or a few weeks that will change. And I don't like that. Why is my faith full of such seemingly bipolar mood swings? How do I find some level plains instead of valleys and mountaintops.

I'm not sure - I realize God's spirit is a dynamic and fluid thing in my life. I realize that not having emotion is a little silly. It never works for me when I totally disengage emotionally. I guess I'll have to keep figuring it out - not everything is a mathematical formula. Tis a shame.

Engaged

2008-01-10T18:17:00.000-06:00

How's that for a good title? Now that I got your attention, let's get started.

When I was a sophomore in college I went on my first overseas mission trip. I've really been on two, but hey, that makes my plural statement correct right? My first trip was to the city of Warsaw, Poland. I loved that trip. Never had I been overseas, nor had I ever engaged people in one-on-one Bible studies.

Yet the trip struck me as slightly strange. We were given a book beforehand to read called Once a Catholic. I grew up thinking Catholics didn't read their Bible, and that they were a mighty, evil force against the true church. So off I went, encouraged by my local church, to convert the Catholic masses (no poor pun intended).

I came home greatly troubled by this. I wasn't really sure what I was doing over there, and why we were out to convert other people who believed in God as well - just a bit differently than us.

I have two coworkers at work of a different faith. One is Morman, one is Hindu. Almost daily we engage in spiritual conversations. Sadly, before I met them, my perceptions of their faiths was as limited as my views on Catholocism. But both of these men have strengthened me in my spiritual walk. My Morman coworker and I reguarly discuss scriptures, and different interpetations of God's word. It is uplifting and challenging. How can I let my Bible knowledge slip when I am challeneged by him? But even more challenging is the faith of my Hindu friend. He gets up every morning and meditates and prays for an hour before work. On Fridays, every Friday in fact, he fasts. Soon after I discovered this I was convicted of how little time I spent with God on a daily basis. And so I became more dilligent about my spiritual disciplines, as indicated by my last post. Obviously I can learn a lot from these guys.

I don't think I'll ever again believe that I own the corner on religion or God. How can I? He is too big, and I am too small. I'm not sure how this fits, but I know I look forward to more talks with my friends of different faiths.

Discipline

2008-01-01T20:06:00.000-06:00

I love discipline. Give me something to be disciplined about, and I'll do it with a passion. I think that is why I enjoyed running so much, and why I had some success in high school and college. I'm not a natural athlete, but I can show up and consistently do everything required in practice. Do I need to be up every day at 5:30? No problem...I'll go to bed earlier. Discipline...sacrifice...it's what I like most.

A few months ago I started having a lot of problems in my life. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally. I keep a regular prayer journal, and I looked and saw that I had neglected writing in it for several weeks at a time. I threw running out the window, and watched more and more television. Who needed discipline? Not I!

Then I stumbled upon one of my new favorite spiritual books, The Celebration of Discipline. And in it, the author challenged me to be disciplined about my relationship with God. To seek Him every day, no matter what is going on. To have spiritual things I do (be it fasting, reading, praying, meditating, etc.) on a daily basis. By doing that, I will develop a deeper, more spiritual, more intimate relationship with God.

That sounds great to me! I can do that. I think we can find God everywhere. I think we've tried to find God everywhere. But sometimes we forget that it takes dedication to build a relationship. Even with a close friend, we must regularly invest in that person. The deeper the relationship, the more constant the investment must be. Showing up and talking to God every three or four days might get you an acquaintance, but not an intimate friend. Yes, God loves me and loves you. But we have to get involved in the relationship as well.

I look forward to the new year. I look forward to a deeper faith. I look forward to knowing God better than I ever have.

Waiting

2007-11-18T20:22:00.000-06:00

God has been breaking my heart down for months now. Perhaps longer. He's wanted to take control of my life, and I have wrestled Him every step of the way. I cede Him a little ground, thinking that I've given Him everything. Yet still He waits, knowing that I haven't.

And I'm tired. Worn out. Frustrated. Wondering how I could seem to have it all together and yet not have anything going for me.

I give up God.
I will listen.
I will obey.

Your better at this anyway.

Pick 5

2007-11-04T21:03:00.000-06:00

Either I am not concentrating very well, or I have come up with an effective study technique. I'm not sure which. However, tonight I am going to pick five GRE vocabulary words at random and use them to tell a story. See if you can discern which words are the five words I picked:

With antipathy the hero landed his eyes on the harsh desert lands of Arizona. Cacti populated the otherwise sparse landscape, a landscape which had been dessicated at the dawn of time. Was he so audacious as to traverse this harsh terrain? No attempts on his part could ameliorate the situation at hand. While his nemesis made desparate, dilatory attempts, he decided the time had come as he stepped out into the great unknown.

Well at least the story wasn't bombastic per usual, although perhaps a bit banal in nature. Can anyone guess which words I chose? Also, three other words were used and bonus points will be given if you can get those right too.

Short Skirt, Long Jacket

2007-10-29T22:36:00.000-05:00

I want a girl who gets up early, (gets up early!)
I want a girl who stays up late, (stays up late!)
I want a girl with uninterupted prosperity,
Who uses a machete, to cut through red tape.
~Short Skirt, Long Jacket by Cake

I find this song by Cake quite humorous, even though I'm sure the majority of the innuendos elude me. I'm so naive I'm not even sure if the song contains innuendos, but I'm going to assume that it does to be safe.

But I think it's funny what Cake is looking for in a girl. In essence he's looking for the modern day woman who has "good dividends" and is "sharp as a tack". I think it funny, because this weekend I started realizing that Cake and I are not in competition for the same girl.

Two of my best friends were in town this weekend, and as has become our custom, we finished off with the obligatory pow-wow. We discussed AIDS in Africa, poverty, and how we can help with the situation. And of course, we discussed girls. It's hard to transition from AIDs in Africa to girls, but it is indeed possible.

One of my friends just started dating a girl, after briefly subdating (a whole other blog could cover that very definition!), and he was describing why he liked her. Every part of her, he said, flowed grace and encouragement. Everything she seemed to do was driven by deep love and compassion. While I'm sure she isn't perfect, she sounded incredibly angelic. It then occured to me those qualitys are what I'm looking for.

Many times I think I've gone after the wrong things. Someone who needs me and I can fix. Someone who is funny and enchanting. Someone who is beautiful or brilliant. Most of these things are good, but they aren't eternal. How great to think of someone who supports and encourages me in everything I do. Who is wanting me to reach Heaven and be with God as much as she wants to be there herself.

Not only is that what I want, but that's what I want to be for someone. I can only attract someone like that if I am like that myself. There may be some deep evangelical lesson in all of this too, because that is what draws people to understanding God more.

So I now know what to look for. It's taken awhile, and I've been a little more dense than I should have been. Of course, she probably needs to be brilliant and cute too. :)

Porn Sunday and Other Heretical Teachings

2007-10-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up I was afraid of other churches. I would hear about the Baptist church down the road and how they used an organ. I felt sorry for them, and prayed that God might overlook their folly so they could go to heaven. In fact, my best friend Melissa went to a Baptist church, and I was deeply worried that we wouldn't be together when God's judgement came. And of course there were others I was concerned about. Apparently these other churches didn't even use the Bible! Those Methodists, Presbyterians, and Community Church people. You know who I'm talking about.

What naivete! Where did these thoughts come from? For the past year I've been peering in to other churches via the Internet and have been shocked by the messages I've heard. They're good! In fact, they are typically better than anything I've ever heard in my life. They are more relevant to my life, to society, and do not seem like trite, tired messages.

So to give you a sampling of what I'm talking about here are some lessons I really like from three different churches:

Jacob's Well (Kansas City)
What is Forgiveness
Becoming Abolitionists

Porn Sunday - LifeChurch.TV (local to Edmond, OKC)

NorthPoint
Listing of Messages

You know, I think I may attend one of these churches here soon. Don't worry. I'll say a special prayer beforehand.

My American Life

2007-10-14T22:16:00.000-05:00

My favorite show on NPR is called "This American Life." I'm certainly an NPR junkie, but this particular show that comes on every Saturday at noon is my favorite. Even more than Car Talk, which is by far the funniest show. I like this show because each week they give little glimpses into real people's lives. The show is divided into acts, and chronicles a different aspect of living in America. Some weeks its as simple as summer camps, while other weeks its about chronic addictions or Shakespeake in prison. And each week I am reminded that all of us have a story, and that our stories are fascinating.

I like movies and books a lot too. I think I like them because they are brief snapshots of time that covers so much ground. We learn a lot about a character's past, how they handle a certain situation, and what that will mean for the rest of their life (if they are so lucky to survive the plot!).

Sometimes I like to view my life in these terms. I've often been vain enough to think that my life would make an interesting story. The characters that would weave in and out of my story would be interesting too. I could talk about my friend who is a poet, wants to be a monk, and doesn't mind being referred to as crazy. I could discuss my friend who is a great teacher, is full of life, and defines the modern day independent woman. I could discuss the occasional fling that comes in and out of my life, or the one girl who really inspires me to be a better man so that I might one day win her heart.

But I'd really love to hear my life narrated. I'd love to know how my past is definng me, and what the future holds. I think hearing our lives through a story would give it more purpose. The things that go on each day sometimes seem mundane. Another five miler. Another day at work. Another day going to church. But these are pages in my life, that somehow make up the larger story. Those pages are somehow giving you character clues into who I am, and how the story will end.

I wonder what that story would be. I wonder what that story is.

My Petty Problems

2007-09-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

Each year our church, and many surrounding churches, participate in a day of community projects. We mend fences, clean yards, paint school equipment and much more. Today's work started off very similar to years in the past. I met up with some friends, we joked around as we coated a deck, and were generally having a good time. Then we went downtown.

Our goal downtown was simply to feed the poor and homeless. But I didn't get very far. On my first lunch I met a lady named Lisa, who asked me to pray for her. I was of course glad to pray for her, and tried my best to pray for her needs. However, it wasn't until after the prayer that her whole story came out.

You see, Lisa looked extremely beat up. Her left eye was swollen shut. The rest of her face was scraped. She could barely walk. I didn't pry much, but gradually she began to tell me what happened. Three weeks ago she was put into the hospital because a man continually bashed her, and severely hurt her knees so much that she had to have surgery. After coming out of surgery she was placed into detox because of how frequently she drank. She repeatedly told me she drank to deal with the hurt of this world.

Last night she was finally released from detox. Upon being released, she was left out on the streets to fend for herself. There again she was beat so bad that her eye swelled shut. The police, she said, overlooked what was happening. The centers, after I asked her if she had sought help from them, weren't much help at all. And so she said she couldn't really eat the food I gave her because she was drinking her pain away and she might throw up.

I didn't know what to say. She would say things like, "Don't worry about me. At least I'm not six feet under. The Lord blesses me with that." And, "I'm so tired of being sick and tired." I've heard these things before, but not from someone I couldn't easily write off. Not from someone I couldn't feel self-righteous over and condemn them for making poor choices. No amount of Republican indignation and American independence protected me from feeling her plight.

I don't know her whole story. I probably never will. But I didn't know what to do to help. My measly meal did nothing for her. She didn't even take it. My prayer did have an effect, because God is powerful. But I got back in my van and left her there. Her? She has another night on the streets where she hopes to stay alive.

What can be done in a world this broken? How come I get to come back to my comfortable home and worry about my petty problems? Are we missing something here? Are the only things we can do is bring a sack lunch once a year to people?

"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this:
to visit orphans and widows in their trouble,
and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
James 1:27, NKJV

Sounds nice. What does it mean?

Narrow is the Gate

2007-09-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

God's word is hard. While it often brings me great comfort, at times it brings me great frustration as well. The reason is because I want to follow it. I want to do what it says. Rather than find the verses that fit me and my needs, I really want to live the entirety of God's message out. That is harder than anything I know. Often times it has me looking around and wondering if anyone is trying to do the same. Then I feel lonely.

We had a retreat for our Singles group last weekend, and we studied parts of the Sermon on the Mount. When I came home Sunday night I decided it would be my goal to read through these passages again and again nightly for the next month. As I read Jesus' words I would then try to live them out. I'd pick a verse, pray on it, and then do it.

But it only took me till verse 3 to get disappointed. Matthew 5:3 says:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

The first words out of Jesus' mouth - his opening statement - is too tough for me. I can't hardly even go on to the next verse although its a bit more comforting:

"Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted."

In a country where things like laughter, ambition, and self-confidence are the esteemed values, it's hard to think that there is any room for humility, meekness, or mourning. In fact, the more I read the Sermon on the Mount, the more I think it goes counter to everything I've ever learned in life.

Yes, that's why it's a revolutionary lesson. But sometimes we leave it as that. Revolutionary. I don't want too. I want to live it.

Out to Sea

2007-09-20T20:47:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I started my latest hobby. For the last twelve months or so I've been picking up random hobbies for about two months at a time. Last year about this time I learned to ballroom dance. Ok, sure I wasn't that good, but it was fun all the same to not step on a girl's toes fifty-percent of the time less than I used to. Then early this spring I took up rock-climbing. A great hobby that helped me conquer my fear of heights. I tried to take up puzzles during the winter, but that didn't really take.

So this fall when the opportunity came to join Chesapeake's rowing team, I seized it. And boy its been great. I've always had two romanticized dreams in my head that I've wanted to fulfill. One is to be on a campus, wearing a tweed coat during a cool fall day, on the way to teach a computer class that somehow transcends 1's and 0's and gets into the meaning of life. The other dream, much like my Harvard brothers at the crack of dawn, is to be on a rowing team as the sun rises or sets over the water.

One dream complete! Each Thursday night I get to go down to Chesapeake's boat house (yes, we're a crazy company) and get on the river with seven other teammates and row to my heart's content. Granted, I'm not very good, but it's fun.

Rowing is a very team-oriented sport which I didn't realize till I got out there. I'm a runner, which unless your on a cross-country team, is a fairly independent sport. I contend that it's better to run with someone, but most times I run on my own. However, the only way to propel the boat forward is for everyone to be in sync. The oars must hit the water at the same time and come out at the same time.

It's really a great example of unity. In fact, its a rare example of total unity. Many times we think of unity as separate entities making up a whole. And each of those entites can have their own goals, desires, or ideas. Not so with rowing. Everyone must be focused on the goal of rowing together.

So, before I muse too deeply let me just say I really think everyone should get out on the water and row if possible. My next hobby, I think, will be the GRE. Blah...

An Ode to Fall

2007-09-16T21:41:00.000-05:00

I love fall. It is quite easily the best season of all. I think Vivaldi should have spent a bit more time on his fall movement. Sure, "Spring" was probably his best work and it is indeed a fine season. However, I think the majority of people would pick summer as their favorite season. And a few crazy northern friends of mine would pick winter (It's my second favorite season, so don't worry!) .

But I love fall, and so when we had a few brief days of respite from summer last week I was thrilled. The crispness of the air. The start of cross-country season. The beginning of the school year. I can't hardly get enough.

I really think it comes down to the feeling of the air. A runner is deeply in touch with the weather outside. During the summer it's miserable to run. If I don't run much before 8:00 AM, I can forget it. The winter can be fun to run in if there is snow, but the choice between staying underneath warm covers or running in 20 degree temperatures is an oft lost battle. And while the spring provides a great relief to cold winter runs, nothing beats the perfect temperatures of a good fall.

So whether you enjoy running or not, and whether you enjoy fall or not, get outside in the coming weeks. Enjoy the one week of fall in Oklahoma where the leaves actually change colors (so much better in Missouri!) And get ready for the lazy days of winter.

---------------------------
P.S. I might just add it's only about 45 days till you can break out your Christmas music!

House

2007-09-03T21:33:00.000-05:00

I watched a good portion of House: Season 2 this weekend with my friends. It's an interesting show about a brilliant yet cold-hearted doctor who treats the unsolvable medical cases. Typically to solve the case he has to piece together the life of the victim and discover all the relevant facts necessary to determining their illness. His basic premise is that everyone is not telling him the truth, and his acumen into the human soul is piercing.

Turns out nearly everyone is lying. They're lying about their fidelity; they're lying about their friendships; and the list goes on and on. However, it's not just one case like this. It's everybody. Nobody is immune to deceit. In fact, what helps House out is that he never believes in the good of people. He believes more in the evil.

This is opposite of my approach. I tend to believe in the good of all people. Almost to a fault. I don't see why anyone would every lie to me. Or withhold the truth. Or treat me wrongly. I'm not sure if that's because I honestly believe people wouldn't be like that to me, or because I want it to be that way.

But this can lead to disappointment, or disillusionment about what's really happening. In a lot of ways I think House may be a better judge of character than I am. I may be better at seeing the possibilities in people, but he is better at seeing people as they are. I'm not sure I should be so surprised about this. The book of Romans is filled with passages about how we all are sinful. Paul goes on and on about the fact that he can't do what he knows he should do, but does what he does not want to do because of his weak flesh. If Paul can't even get it right, how could we?

I'm not sure what I'm after. In the end, I want to see the good in people. I don't think that's a wrong desire to have. But perhaps I do have to realize that there are deeper desires that wage wars in all of us. Even in you.

Life Without Facebook...again

2007-08-29T22:03:00.000-05:00

Since last Friday I haven't been on Facebook. That's six days now. Six! I won't lie. It hasn't been easy. Curing this "healthy" addiction isn't all its cracked up to be. But I gotta try.

So why did I deactivate my account? Lots of reasons. One big reason was that it seemed to consume my free time. Am I bored? Spend 15 minutes browsing people's pictures. Another reason was that it didn't seem healthy. I would infer things from Facebook. You can infer lots of things really, some which are probably true and others that are not. So if I could infer about others, certainly others could infer about me.

But besides wasting time and coming to conclusions without much basis, the real thing that bothered me is that it's not as good of a social tool as it's made up to be. I didn't bond to anyone while I was on Facebook. My relationships didn't grow deeper with any of the 108 people who listed me as their friend.

Oh I know, I know. I'm missing the point. And I am sure I am. But if I am your friend, truely your friend, then their should be more to our relationship than leaving two lines posted on your wall.

So I'm rebelling. I'm 26 going on 60. I'll be back on next week, I'm sure of it. Leave me a post!

Conditional Love

2007-08-23T22:17:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Blue Like Jazz lately. I loathe that book. It convicts me everytime I read it. Sometimes it convicts me more than the Bible. It certainly convicts me more than going to church.

In almost every chapter something sticks out to me that I need to work on. Tonight it was the idea of conditional love. I realized that I give love out based on only selfish reasons. If you talk to me and give me your time, I'll love you. If I have something to gain from having a friendship with you, I'll love you. If you are a good person, I'll love you. However, if none of these three conditions is true than I'll be nice to you. I'll placate you. But forget getting "true love" from me.

While this sounds awful and shallow, there is even something worse than that. I view God's love as conditional. If I'm a nice person who goes to church and helps out, God will love me. If I sin and mess up, God will hate me. Or at least that's what I think. Which explains why I don't feel like God loves me too often. Because I'm not that good of a person. I don't deserve His love.

And I don't. Yet He loves me anyway. So I must start to love others whether they have "earned" my love or not. If someone hurts me I need to love them anyway. If I'm disappointed I need to love them as well. If I seemingly have nothing to gain from someone, I will love them as well. To do that I'm going to have to learn true love. Perhaps removing the conditions on love is a good place to start.

There are a lot of people in the world. Way over six billion, I think. And there are always people coming and going, keeping that number in flux. I decided this past week I can't be friends with all of them.

You see, I realized over the past few weeks I've stretched myself too thin. I have lots of friends. I don't say that in some self-congratulatory way, or in a way that cries out from low self-esteem of a person wanting to be popular. I say that as a statement of fact. I also think it is ok to have lots of friends. The more people you know, the more people you can help in this world.

But at the same time I know very few people well. Of my close circle of thirty, very few know what I did this week or how I was doing each day. In fact, none probably do. That is no fault of their own; they are certainly great friends. It's not like I know what any of them have been up to either.

So I decided I need to get off the popularity kick. It's not really me. I like to meet new people. I like to make new friends. But thinking that I need to be friends with everyone is a little vain. Not everybody needs me quite like I think they do. But a few do. And I need them too.

Stranger than Fiction

2007-06-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

I have a hard time separating my life from fictional characters. I seem to identify with every character I come across. When I was in high school my two favorite characters were Jack Ryan and Jason Bourne. A CIA agent and a rogue government assassin. As of yet, my longings for both careers have not panned out. I read Brothers Karamazov once and I could not but feel like Aloysha betwixt my older and younger brothers. I should probably not even go into the similarities between Hermoine and myself, and lest you be confused I find myself so much like Darcey its a wonder a young, enchanting English woman hasn't been swept off her feet by me yet.

Tonight I watched a great movie called "Stranger than Fiction." The main character works for the IRS and has his life figured down to the minute. He is freakishly good with numbers, and lives a fairly predictable, mundane life. I couldn't help but see some similarities between his life and my own. While I think I have a great deal more personality than Harold Crick, I know that like him I want things to be predictable and stable.

Naturally this plot all boils down to a girl. Because, at least in this point in life, that's where we take our chances. Or don't. And so I asked myself, would I ever show up at a girl's store with a box full of "flowers." And to be honest I'm not sure anymore...I would like to think so. But the mantra of late seems to be to not take risks, take it slow, and make sure nobody gets hurt. Is that what I've gained over 26 years? That taking risks ends in disappointment and it is better to play it safe?

If I ever go down with a blaze of glory I'll let you know. I think I will. Probably several more times. But, maybe like Harold I will learn the secret to life is not found in numbers, routine, or predictability.

Mother's Day

2007-05-13T22:24:00.000-05:00

This Mother's Day has been a fairly good day. Naturally it is one that is somewhat bittersweet, as it is the second Mother's Day without my mom. It doesn't always hit me that my mom is gone unless I need her. Or, as in a day like today, I want to show her love. And really that seems the essence of motherhood. Someone that is merely there, never asking for much in return, but there when you need them.

But I think things are starting to fit back together. I foolishly thought that after my mother's death I could shut out the pain, and put life together back with a smile and a laugh. I didn't realize that my approach never allowed me to deal with the loss. But, finally, this year due to other things going on I felt like I started to have all the human emotions again. Joy, sorrow, frustration, elation, and anything else that falls in between.

And that is good. Pain can do strange things to an individual. If you allow it, you can become slightly sub-human. Too happy to be real, or too sad to be enjoyable. I think I chose the "too happy to be real" approach and eventually realized that I no longer was a normal person.

So, on this Mother's Day, I look back and can be thankful for all that my mom did. I was blessed to have a mom that loved me and who made me into a good man. I will miss her on days like today. I will miss her on holidays, and I will probably miss her even more on those big days in my life that are still on their way. I'll miss her wise counsel and her affirming approval that I am the person she always wanted me to be.

She's not gone, though. I represent her now. I carry her spirit on. And that is my gift to her.

Self-Absorbed

2007-05-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I'm not selfish. That I care about others, and that I'm not self-absorbed. That I truly love my friends.

Then I'm reminded I don't.

I'm reminded I'm selfish.
Self-absorbed.
Caught up in my own world.

I went out with a friend recently. A friend I hadn't talked to in a couple of months. We had grown apart, and really I had started to take it personally. I'll just be up front and admit that I deal with self-doubt and confidence quite a lot.

But when I talked to this person, I realized it wasn't me. It wasn't that she was trying to avoid me but that she had withdrawn from all people that are close to her because she was struggling.

I should have known this. I should have not taken it personally and should have kept up with her better. After all we had been friends for years. I should have looked past my own issues and looked out for her.

That's the quality of friend I am.

I read a book about monks once. You know what I really liked about monks? They seemed to be in tune with people. In large part because of their celibacy they had no self-doubt, no petty jealousies. They could simply deal with people where they were at and know when people were struggling and needed a friend.

I wish I could be that way with my friends. I wish I could be that way with any person who needed someone. And maybe I could - if I could just get past myself.

Ugly Evangelism

2007-05-08T06:50:00.000-05:00

I chose the word "ugly" for my title because it was less offensive then the word I really wanted to use. That word was "condescending". Up front this is going to be a strange blog, and I'm not sure what I want you all to get from it which is always a dangerous thing. But I do want to explore what goes on in evangelism so that hopefully we can be better at it.

You see, about two weeks ago I was evangelized to for the first time. It was right before my trip to Mexico, and so I had part of the day off from work. A couple of guys came by from a city-wide prayer breakfast that I had attended, and so I gladly let them into my home.

We small-talked for awhile, which was expected. Then the conversation abruptly switched tones, also slightly expected. They started asking me questions about my faith. They first asked me how my relationship was with God, and I told them it was pretty good. They then asked if I daily read His word and prayed, and I said "Yep, I've got a prayer journal and everything that I daily use." The next question they asked was, "If you died today, do you think you would go to heaven?" And I exclaimed with perhaps a bit too much gusto, "Heck yeah I would!" That's not an issue I struggle with, so why try to act all concerned that I'm not going? Then they said, "Well why do you think that?" By this point I'm starting to get a bit wary, and knew they were trying to figure out my angle on religion. Was it because I was baptized? Predestined? I was a good person? Knowing all the possible answers I tried to answer with one I thought worked pretty well and said, "Well I don't think its anything I've done really, and really its God's grace and mercy that He has given me."

Ok, till this point I'm having a perfectly uncomfortable conversation with two guys I don't know about God. I'm ok with this, although I do realize that this model is quirky and that if I ever do such a thing I think I'd slow things down a bit and not make everything awkard in only five minutes time.

But then they broke out the dreaded tract! You know the ones. They then preceded to show me some nice pictures how I'm on one plateau and God is on another, and there is this big abyss between us because of sin. And so, all in picture form, they then tell me we need a bridge to cross and...turn the page...there is the cross so I can walk over it and be with God. How nice.

Ok, my sarcasm may be seeping through but for good reason. By this point I felt insulted and had become extremely quiet. For one thing, I had told them I thought I had a strong faith, and even that I was going on a mission trip the next day. But rather than listening to what I had said, they instead insisted on listening to their version of the gospel story. But, to make matters worse, they then boil my intelligence down to a sixth grade level and show me lovely pictures about how I'm separated from God. Is this how we really want to reach programmers, lawyers, doctors, and anybody else with an education?

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate their efforts. But had I been an atheist or agnostic I would have been turned off. In fact, I probably wouldn't have had the patience to sit through it and would have really told them how I felt. So how do we evangelize? I'm not sure. I think part of the answer starts by believing that people are deep, real people who can't change everything in a matter of moments by us knocking on their doors. Perhaps by each of us reaching out to those we already have relationship with instead of sending people out creating uncomfortable situations. Perhaps by embracing people's intelligence, and realizing that we may have to deepen our faith to answer their tough questions.

Thoughts? Ideas?

Lost: Season Finale

2007-05-07T18:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, don't worry everyone. I'm perfectly healthy. I still have a million thoughts running around in my head. But yes, I am going to have two pop culture blogs in a row. Totally unprecedented, I know. But I just read this statement and I had to share with all of my fellow Lost-fans. Here is how exciting the season finale is going to be:

"But, Lindelof says, 'the last five minutes of (this month's) finale are going to seal our fate.'" Amazing! That's all I have to say. I already yell at the TV enough as it is, and I'm only getting older so I may have to take an aspirin to ensure that I don't have a heart-attack that night.

To read about how there will be three more seasons click here.

"Sort of exciting, isn't it?"

2007-04-30T22:50:00.000-05:00

I just found this awesome new trailer of Harry Potter V! This looks incredible! I just tried on my Gryffindor robe for Kiala and Travis and it still fits. Only two more months until the best night in '07! Well, until TSO rolls into town again! :)

Ray of Light

2007-04-29T22:26:00.000-05:00

Every once in awhile I have a moment of clarity. It's as if the haze lifts for the sun to break through, and for that brief period of time I understand the world I live in. The devil's snares no longer entrap me and for once I know what to do. Last week was a time such as this.

I just got back from a mission trip to Piedras Negras, Mexico. It was probably the strangest mission trip I had ever been on because the first part of the week we worked on construction, while the latter part of the week we worked on cleanup from a tornado that wiped out nearly two years worth of mission construction work. Possibly more on that in another post.

This mission trip couldn't have come at a better time. I had spent the last three or four months working extremely hard at my job. It wasn't uncommon for me to work anywhere from 50-65 hours a week. So when the trip finally arrived, I left my BlackBerry at home and decided I was going to focus solely on the work at hand.

It's hard at times to know what this life is really about. Sometimes we totally invest ourselves in our work and think that working hard is the way to go. Other times we involve ourselves in numerous church activities thinking that life is somehow wrapped up in being involved in everything church-related. Still some of us get caught up in the idea that the intellect is what's it is about and fight theological wars on ways to be part of God's kingdom. None of that seems relevant though when you're truely serving God. It is no longer a matter of what is theologically correct, religously righteous, or morally valuable. Instead it boils down to loving your brothers and sisters, and handling the situation in the moment.

Perhaps that's what I like so much about the mission field, and probably more accurately, mission trips. Everytime I'm on a trip I am so busy that I haven't the time to worry about being religious. All I have time for is doing God's work.

I'm back home now, and tomorrow it's back to work. I don't know what that means. Will the haze return? Will I go back to being religious and attempting to be morally superior to others? Will I care more about wondering whether we should have instruments in the church or other similar squabbles than the lost? Let's hope not. Here's to a good fight!

Frivilous Conversation

2007-04-17T21:14:00.000-05:00

I am a guy. Every day I learn that this is an indisputable fact. When I was in college I had the mistaken misconception about myself that I was sensitive. Perhaps even warm and caring. I shed a tear in Where the Red Fern Grows and my heart skipped a few beats when watching Notting Hill. But don't let my tender facade fool you. I am a guy.

I realized this tonight when talking to my dear friend Alayna. I enjoy talking to Alayna because usually I don't have to say much. She will discuss the erratic driving patterns of the person in front of her, or the fact that she is cooking chicken for dinner. This kind of conversation amazes me.

A few months ago one of my friends told me that she felt like every conversation with me had to be about something. That she always had to think when talking to me. This really bothered me, and I didn't exactly understand why she felt that way. I thought I was a relatively enjoyable person to talk to.

But lately I've been starting to understand. Random, light-hearted, dare I say frivilous conversation has real value. Discussing the minute, seemingly trivial details of life has purpose. Why it is important for someone to know that I had a frozen dinner tonight has been beyond me till this point. That is not something that furthers someone's understanding about me, or furthers our mutual understanding of the world. But...but...it is important!

Because good friendship is a running dialogue. A shared history of months, even years, of ongoing dialogue that builds upon itself. I had always realized this in terms of humour, and had often used it to my advantage by relying on people's memories of shared events. But I think I had forgotten, especially since college when my life became more autonomous, that regular conversation is good and valuable.

So here's to more "important" trivial conversations! Now I just got to come up with a reason to call you...

Tenacity

2007-04-15T14:13:00.000-05:00

When I think of rock climbing only one word comes to mind: tenacity. Two weeks ago I went rock climbing for the first time, and last night I went again. I must say this is my new favorite activity. Those of you who know me realize that I am somewhat impulsive, and that next week I will probably be into something like badminton, but for today it's rock climbing.

But, like I was saying, I like rock climbing because it requires a lot of grit and, of course, tenaciousness. In some regards its a lot like running in that you've got to push through the pain to get to your goal. But unlike running, there is a clear goal, and that is to get to the top. But the top is never easily attainable. And so you have to push your body to reach for holds that you didn't think possible.

I think what I really like about rock climbing is that it gets me out of my comfort zone. I live in Edmond. Life is full of pleasures like driving a nice car, eating at fancy restaurants, and continually amusing myself with TV shows like 24 and Lost. The challenge of survival is never something I worry about. Rock climbing, for those brief moments of imbalance, reminds me that I need to push myself. That not everything comes natural and that sometimes you have to work hard to arrive at your goal. That's why I like running. That's why I like rock climbing. It's good to remind myself of that, especially the older I get and the more set in my ways I become.

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I would like to add that while I'm having deep thoughts 40 feet above the ground my roommate is thinking of different ways to disappear while belaying. I just thought you all should know this!

Friends

2007-04-01T22:32:00.000-05:00

A heavy rainstorm. A beautiful spring day. A relaxing weekend with good friends. What more could a guy ask for? Life is good!

This weekend, two of my closest friends from college came into town. Stephen and Julie, two of the best people to come out of the '80s. On Saturday, we all got together with my roommate, also named Stephen, and Liz to do some intense rock-climbing, followed by intense pancake eating. It was great.

When I first got to OC, I didn't really want to be there. In fact, I pretty much begged my parents to take me home. I had no desire to go to a Christian school, and especially not OC. But one night during the first initiation week, I prayed that God would bless me with good friends. This was one prayer that God answered in abundance while I was in college. I was blessed with having friendships with some of the finest people OC has ever had attend. They were amazingly brilliant, incredibly passionate, and full of a love for God.

At the end of this month it will be four years since I've graduated, and most of my closest friends have moved off to start careers or further their education. Many days this makes me really sad. I've made new friends, and I am very thankful for those new relationships. But a weekend like this one reminds me of how blessed I was for those great college friendships.

In some ways I think this post is more for my friends and me, than my other readers. I realize as I've tried to write this that it's just impossible to explain. Perhaps meaningful friendship and love is impossible to sum up in a few words. Many insightful poets and authors have attempted to do so, but I just can't convey the good feeling I had this weekend. So thanks Julie, Stephen, Liz, Travis, and Joy.

Total Strangers

2007-03-23T21:01:00.000-05:00

Three hours on the Palm Springs runway, a missed flight, and a night at a sketchy hotel had me a bit ragged by this morning. Destined to hinge upon the hopes of getting a stand-by seat all day, I flopped down by a familiar enough face. It was the face of a girl I saw the night before as we both tried to figure out what was next for us at Denver International Airport. I said hello and asked her if she was trying to get to Oklahoma as well. She replied that she was, and off started a friendly conversation about how we were going to get home.

Not knowing that we would have no luck getting on the first flight, we eventually resigned to silence as I typed away on my Blackberry and she called her mother. Eventually her friend showed up as well, and we bemoaned our fate as the flight to Oklahoma City left us without even a trace of hope that our futures might brighten. Apparently fifteen other people were on standby just like us.

That's when we decided it was time we teamed up. As we went to customer service, we started to realize we were in this together. After they told us our chances were not good, we eventually decided to go to the next gate to see if we could get out on the second flight. On the way though we decided that we'd just drive home (eleven hour drive) if it didn't work out. Thankfully we got a flight to DFW, and then drove back to OKC. Good conversation pursued on the way home, and the ice eventually broke to the point that I felt like I was hanging out with people I'd known for a long time.

A nice story I suppose. But that's not really the point. I realized something today that was very important. I realized it was my duty to take care of those girls to be sure they got home. Never mind that they were both of age to take care of themselves (21 and 25). They needed someone calm and in-control to relieve their uncertainty.

It was a strange realization at first when I realized what was going on. I think for too long I've diminshed the male role to provide this kind of support and that this is what a female is often looking for. I'm not trying to downplay equality or even feminism. What I am trying to say is that as males we need to realize our role is that of a protector and provider.

Agree or disagree, it was good for me to realize this today. Even more strange, I felt valuable and needed while being with them and ensuring they got home. Perhaps that's how God designed us, male and female.

Low-Hanging Fruit

2007-03-20T23:56:00.000-05:00

So tonight I prayed that God would help me develop kindness and love. I picked a few easy ones. I didn't pick say, patience or faithfulness, because I was afraid he might teach me these things. And to be honest, I'm not sure I really want to grow in these two areas right now. Wrong or right, that was my motivation for picking those two low-hanging fruit to work on.

You see, I've recently realized that God is listening. That God actually hears my prayers and answers them. To some of you this is a no-brainer. "Of course God answers our prayers Blake!" is what you are undoubtedly saying as you shake your head in dismay. And yes I know that. But I don't think I've always believed that.

Until, that is, I started keeping a prayer journal. Without my prayer journal I had no way of holding God accountable. That probably sounds sacreligious, but what I mean is that I had no way of holding God to what I was praying for. I would have some vague prayer before going to sleep and then forget what I prayed for the next day. So if God answered that prayer, I wouldn't necessarily attribute it to Him or even realize that it was an answer to my prayer. Now, though, I am armed with my trusty prayer journal and boy am I seeing God at work.

Which frightens me a little. Several times in the past month I've posed questions to God, and He's given me answers I didn't like. Other times He's challenged me in ways I asked for, but maybe didn't necessarily realize what I was getting into. So it's making me a bit wary. Do I really want to grow in these areas? Do I really want to know the answer to a certain question? If I throw it at God, I now know He will answer and that He is listening.

So I prayed to grow in kindness and love. They seem safe enough fruits to pray for. We'll see.

Hiding Behind the Bible

2007-03-05T22:19:00.000-06:00

Each Monday morning at 7, three or four of us meet at my friend Matt's office. For about thirty minutes we get together, read something from the Bible that's been on our hearts, and then pray. Then it's time for another busy week. I like this time. It helps us focus on the week ahead, and hopefully brings a realization that our jobs are more than just serving the company.

This week it was my turn to bring a few verses to share. I thought about discussing Heaven since it's been on my mind a lot lately (probably because for several weeks now I'd rather be there than here!). I thought about borrowing some verses from Isaih since it is really cool, and I've been enjoying it a lot lately. Then I decided that no - the Bible wasn't where it was at.

You see, I think we can hide behind the Bible. I think we can have really high-minded, theological discussions that really get us nowhere. If I'm not around my M.Div friends I can sound like I know a lot about the Bible, and like I really know what God is all about. It's easy to discuss a few verses and walk away feeling slightly assuaged with whatever plagues me because I found a Bible sound-bite that makes me feel good for an hour.

Today though, I didn't want to hide. I didn't want to discuss Heaven. Not because I don't want to go there, but because I knew that would just be a shield. I could make my buddies think that I was a deep, spiritual person but I wanted them to know that I had doubts. That I was struggling. And so I opened up. And they opened up. And for a few minutes, there was true discussion that was very spiritual. All without the Bible.

I don't think the Bible is a bad thing. I love God's word! I try to read it everyday. But sometimes I think I use it to hide behind a wall. Today it was refreshing to take off the theology hat for just awhile and talk. Maybe next Monday we'll do it again.

Thin Line Between Insanity and Guts

2007-02-24T08:15:00.000-06:00

You never know when you are about to go too far as a runner. I've been training hard all winter for the marathon, and about three weeks ago on a cold, blistery Saturday morning I decided to go for my customary long run. I knew it wasn't wise. The night before at the Winter Ball as I attempted to two-step around the dance floor I had felt some pain in my right achilles. But rather than realize that my body was trying to tell me it was heading for trouble, I ignored it and set out the door. As the drizzle turned to sleet, and the sleet to snow, my achilles starting hurting more and more. Somehow I survived 14 miles, only to not be able to walk for the next day or two.

It's hard as a runner to know when you are crossing that line between being tough and having guts, or doing something insanely stupid. We are, by nature, a little crazy. We are trained to ignore pain and go beyond our limits on a fairly regular basis. So while I knew it wasn't a great idea that morning to run 14 miles, I went for it anyways because I needed to get my mileage in.

Problem is, decisions like that have consequences. After a few days rest I was back on my feet and running. But now that same achilles problem has reared its head and I've had to take another week off from training. Even two miles on Thursday was enough to make me hobble the remainder of the evening. So my training is on hold. That's part of it, I suppose, but maybe in the future I'll learn that sometimes working through pain is more insane than gutsy. Then again, maybe not.

Safe People

2007-02-18T21:24:00.000-06:00

I've been reading a book. It's called: Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't. I'll state for the record that I'm not a big fan of "self-help" books, especially of the Christian flavor. But I've read a book by these two guys before and really liked them, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

One of my biggest personality flaws is that I'm extremely trusting and naive. I believe in the good of all people, especially Christians. I am ok with the fact that people who don't have a belief in God might hurt or deceive me, but I can't fathom someone that knows God would ever be hurtful.

So I started reading the book to see if my relationships were safe. Along the way though, as so often is the case, I realized that I was full of flaws myself. That I am not even close to being a consistently safe person. That it is time I work on myself to become a more safe and reliable friend then I've been recently.

Some things to look for in a safe person are that they help you to grow. They are constantly pushing you to extend yourself in new ways, and you are pushing them as well (no relationship should be one-sided). They also aren't critical (one of my flaws), yet can lovingly rebuke you when needed. They can be counted on, and trusted upon. If they've done something to hurt you, and you tell them, then they change instead of act defensive.

I'm glad I have friends like that.

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P.S. This blog was supposed to be about spring and running in the winter! Ahhhh how a few pages in a book will change my mind.

Jacob’s Well

2007-02-13T22:13:00.001-06:00

Jacob's Well is probably my favorite church in the whole world. I've never been to it, mind you, but that has not stopped me from being in love with it. Next time I'm in Kansas City I fully intend to go and visit. So why am I so in love with a place I've never visited, much less seen? Well mainly it is because each Sunday night I listen to the latest sermon, and it is easily the most dynamic and meaningful message I will hear all week. And trust me, I hear several messages a week since I fall asleep to one of three preachers each night (Patrick Mead, Charles Swindall, and the Jacob's Well preacher of the week).

The last two lessons have been extremely meaningful for me. They have been about repentance and forgiveness. If you have time this week, I strongly urge you to listen to these two messages. They are by far the best messages I have ever heard on the subject, and have made me really think about how I view my relationships. It also helps me to realize more about repentance and forgiveness. Never did I realize the order that forgiveness actually occurs in as instructed by Jesus in Luke 17:3 . The verse reads, "So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." We must first point out sin, and if that person ceases from that sin, we are called to forgive. The hard part though is that we must "rebuke" that individual. We can't merely forgive them by never saying anything, we must actually confront the issue. Forgiveness is not just letting go, but actually dealing with the hurtful/sinful situation.

One of the things I realized is that over the last year or two I have become less willing to be vulnerable. I am more likely to not open up, more like to not place myself in uncomfortable situations, and hardly ever do I confront tough issues with people. As a result I think I've seen my friendships grow more and more shallow, and all new friendships have remained fairly superficial. So I want to work on that. Problem is, vulnerability is scary. But deeper, meaningful relationships are worth it.

If you have time – please listen. You'll be all the better for it.

Test: Publish with Word 2007

2007-02-10T22:49:00.001-06:00

So in theory, this post should automatically go to my site through Word. If so, that is way crazy cool. Did I ever mention I love Microsoft?

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

2007-02-04T21:39:00.000-06:00

I was recently chastised on my last post for my poor, lacking grammar. I admit, I struggle with good grammar. I had the misfortune of being placed in English honors classes in high school. While I was an exceptional reader and could do great on tests over books and vocabulary, the teachers somehow thought that if you were in honors English you've mastered every grammatical rule possible. Thus I never received another day of training in the matter, and my focus was placed on more important issues like iambic pentameter. Blah.

But I really do love grammar! And apparently I love the Oxford comma. The Oxford comma is that little comma that separates the second-to-last item in a list from the last item. An example is as follows: I like cheese, cookies, and cake. However, as we all learned in high school we could rebel against those eccentric ivory-tower snobs and abolish this comma once and for all and state with pride that I like cheese, cookies and cake. What a liberating day that was.

Take whichever side you like, that's not the reason I'm writing this post. The reason is because I found this great book called Eats, Shoots and Leaves which is about one woman's struggle to fight the terrible grammar that is abundant in our present day society. Look at your last text message, IM, or even email and see if you're not guilty! (There I go again with that Oxford comma)

I think I am in love with this lady. Here is a woman who feels very passionately about the need for better punctuation and grammar. Here is the first page from the introduction:

Either this will ring bells for you, or it won't. A printed banner has appeared on the concourse of a petrol station near to where I live. "Come inside," it says, "for CD's, VIDEO's, DVD's, and BOOK's."

If this satanic sprinkling of redundant apostrophes causes no little gasp of horror or quickening of the pulse, you should probably put down this book at once. By all means congratulate yourself that you are not a pedant or even a stickler; that you are happily equipped to live in a world of plummeting punctuation standards; but just don't bother to go any further. For any true stickler, you see, the sight of the plural word "Book's" with an apostrophe in it will trigger a ghastly private emotional process similar to the stages of bereavement, though greatly accelerated. First there is shock. Within seconds, shock gives way to disbelief, disbelief to pain, and pain to anger. Finally (and this is where the analogy breaks down), anger gives way to a righteous urge to perpetrate an act of criminal damage with the aid of a permanent marker."

Isn't this lady great? I am just thankful that there are people that nerdy in this world. Now I, by no means, am near as passionate on the matter. Indeed, you will find several mistakes in this post if you look, I'm sure. But I do like her call for us to be more concerned with how we use words and language. I, for one, intend to start throwing more commas into my sentences. Perhaps even an Oxford comma!

If You're Friends With Pete, then You're Friends with Me

2007-01-29T21:54:00.000-06:00

Sitting solitary tonight in a hotel room in North Carolina, I felt very alone. Very adult. I chose North Carolina for my computer training because I wanted to see my dear friend Melissa, and I'm really looking forward to that. But I still couldn't help the fact that I felt too adult-like for my age.

So I called my friend Peter. Pete and I are the type who will one day sit in high-back chairs with suspenders and discuss the good old days in wistful, reminiscent tones. But tonight we talked about increasing responsibility. About becoming mature adults. Being leaders who have to act seriously. Enjoying life and being young. Realizing that youth culture is valued highly in our society, but wisdom is what we should cherish. What it feels like to be rejected by a girl, and how that increases our doubt and insecurity. On what love is and what love we have to give to a woman.

Our conversation ended and I felt better. I realized I wasn't as alone in the world as I thought. Someone else my age was struggling with these same issues and not merely dwelling on trivial acts of youthful frivolity.

Of course, after this post, I sound older than ever. But that's ok. I still am fun, nerdy, and goofy. Just a bit more restrained and mature about it. Read the Proverbs and Psalms. It's ok to value wisdom and restraint.

Epitome of Brilliance

2007-01-29T17:19:00.000-06:00

This may be a strange passage of Tale of Two Cities to put on one's blog, but this just shows the brilliance of Charles Dickens. I love the English language when it is used this well!

...Above all, one hideous figure grew as familiar as if it had been before the general gaze from the foundations of the world- the figure of the sharp female called La Guillotine.

It was the popular theme for jests; it was the best cure for headache, it infallibly prevented the hair from turning grey, it imparted a peculiar delicacy to the complexion, it was the National Razor which shaved close: who kissed La Guillotine, looked through the little window and sneezed into the sack. It was the sign of the regeneration of the human race. It superseded the Cross. Models of it were worn on breasts from which the Cross was discarded, and it was bowed down to and believed in where the Cross was denied.

It sheared off heads so many, that it, and the ground it most polluted, were a rotten red. It was taken to pieces, like a toy-puzzle for a young Devil, and was put together again when the occasion wanted it. It hushed the eloquent, struck down the powerful, abolished the beautiful and good. Twenty-two friends of high public mark, twenty-one living and one dead, it had lopped the heads off, in one morning, in as many minutes. The name of the strong man of Old Scripture had descended to the chief functionary who worked it; but, so armed, he was stronger than his namesake, and blinder, and tore away the gates of God's own Temple every day.

~Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens, pg. 272.

Succumbing to Outside Pressures

2007-01-25T21:32:00.000-06:00

We've all gotten the emails. You know, those emails that ask you:

What's your favorite colour?
Do you like to eat cheese?
If it was twenty-five degrees outside, what would you be thinking about?

These emails are always followed by, "Now quick! Send this off to ten of your best friends to see if they like you or are even really your friends!" And naturally every email begins by trying to prove you really are above such things by saying, "Well usually I don't do these things but question thirteen was just so insightful!"

Well tonight I'm caving. Only one person has the power to actually get me to cave on such a pivotal issue like this. Fully aware of this, she thought she'd try her powers over me and "tag" me on her blog. So here I am about to tell you five things you may or may not have known about me. This is going to be hard since pretty much all of you probably know my middle name, and really what more do you need to know? Here we go:

1. I was incredibly shy and didn't say much up until college. In 2nd grade my good friends consisted of farm animals who wrote words in webs, and eventually I'd change-out friends in high school by getting to know Jason Bourne and Jack Ryan. While I did have real-life friends, I was probably the shyest person you'd ever meet at a party. I'd even fake sleeping so I didn't have to talk!

2. I'm a registered independent! It's true. I agree too much with both sides to lean one way or another. Plus I really hope to get a phone call from pollsters this coming election since I'm "on the fence."

3. I almost always throw up after my last interval of a speed workout or after a hard race. Disgusting eh? Perhaps, but I tend to take it as a sign of how hard I ran. If I don't lose at least a bit of my lunch then I probably didn't try hard enough. I actually dry-heaved five or six times this morning actually!

4. If I had to choose between chocolate cake or ice cream, I'd choose both of course! Why can't you have your cake and your ice cream too? Unfortunately I'm on at least a month hiatus from sugar, or at least desserts. I've made it about nine days now but I'm so hungry!

5. My middle name is Byron.

Taming the Tongue

2007-01-21T09:28:00.000-06:00

Towards the end of December I read through the book of Proverbs. Then I started through the Psalms. Both books are filled with wisdom and insight into the heart of God, not to mention His desires for His people. And as the Word so often does, particular verses cut to my heart. This time one reoccuring theme appeared over and over: "Watch what you say!"

Here are some of my favorite examples, and I'm going to use the NKJV because I like how it sounds the best:

"Help Lord, for the godly man ceases!
For the faithful disappear from the songs of men.
They speak idly everyone with his neighbor,
With flattering lips and a double heart they speak."
~Psalms 12: 1-2

"Like a madman who throw firebrands, arrows, and death,
Is the man who deceives his neighbor,
And says, 'I was only joking!'"
~Proverbs 26:18-19

"A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back."
~Proverbs 29:11

James 3 is often referred to when people discuss taming bad speech. But I like the above verses better because they are vivid examples of struggles I have everyday. Modern psychology tells us its good to get things off our chest, and I take that to an extreme. But this is not wise according to the Proverbs. Nor is being idle in our talk, or using joking (probably also sarcasm) in a way that does not build others up.

In hindsight, I can see the wisdom of these verses. No amount of venting has ever made me feel better. Idle talk has never truely strengthened a relationship. Sarcasm and joking? They often lead to shallow conversation and friendships that have no idea how to interact on a deep, personal level.

We need to watch what we say. And we need to help each other out in this area. Sometimes I have no idea how my words come across to others. The other night a good friend pointed out something I said that unintentionally offended her. I was reminded, once again, that we need to be ever mindful of what we say and how we say it. We must continuously be building each other up, not merely discussing trivial things and jesting all the time.

Church Snapshots

2007-01-17T22:06:00.000-06:00

The preacher gets up,
and leads a tired sermon.
He is burned out.

A sideways glance;
quickly look away.
They no longer talk.

An energetic attitude,
over-involvement and an easy smile.
He's lost many whom he loved.

A humble heart,
a willing attitude.
She has nowhere to serve.

Head of gray,
decades of experience.
No young man to listen.

Omniscient. Omnipotent.
He knows.
He cares.

Criminal Intent

2007-01-14T09:55:00.000-06:00

While most people were out buying water bottles, batteries, and flashlights for the impending ice storm, I decided to buy something more practical: Law and Order. L&O: Criminal Intent to be more exact. And while I was still able to brave the elements and run ten miles outside yesterday, I've had more than ample opportunity to watch enough episodes to be considered a healthy individual.

Detective Goren is an amazing detective who has penetrating insight into the human psyche. He would give Dickens a run for his money if the two were to battle wits against each other. In episode after episode he exposes the insecurities of people and not only finds out what crime they committed, but the reason why they committed the act.

I am amazed that a lot of times the primary motivation is that of some insecurity the purp has. Whether it be appearance, intelligence, money, or a desire to be liked/needed the criminal motivation is to quell their irrepressible desires. Sometimes there seems to be frighteningly little between their insecurities and our own, except for the fact that they go to murderous extremes to stymie them.

I think the easy, Christian answer to this problem is that this is yet another reason we need God. And indeed it is. But I also think that often these people need others in their life to love them, care for them, and help them with wisdom they can't find in there current situation. It is so obvious that often all these people are longing for is love.

Or maybe people in New York are just crazy.

26.2

2007-01-09T18:26:00.000-06:00

Listen to my body? If I was listening to my body right now I would be home in bed eating a danish and reading the funnies."
~Overheard at the 1991 San Antonio Marathon, The Quotable Runner

It's time. An hour and a half came and went. It fact, it went about seven minutes quicker than normal. And thus my fate was sealed. After a four-year retirement from craziness, I now am coming back more eccentric and nuts than ever. I have decided to run the Cleveland Marathon. After running the Dallas White Rock half-marathon in 1:23:46 (hh:mm:ss) I realized I stood a good shot at qualifying for the Bostom Marathon.

For those who don't know, the Boston Marathon is the dream of all runners. Everyone wants to run Boston who is even remotely serious about running. Its almost like the Olympics for those who will never be Olympians. There is one catch though. You must qualify. And for someone my age you have to run a marathon in three hours and ten minutes. That's about 7:10 per mile. That's moving.

The thing I love about the marathon, and I've only done one thus far, is that there is no faking it. Sure people have shown up out of shape to marathons and eeked their way through it. But those wanting to succeed at a higher level must put in the time. And we're talking lots of it. Between now and May I have around 800 miles scheduled to put on these legs. A marathon is much more than a few hours on a Sunday morning, it's about months of self-denial, dedication, and preparation. It's about pushing yourself beyond your normal limits and focusing on a task seemingly impossible.

I think that's why I'm writing this. Because its dangerous to say you want to break 3:10 in the marathon to others. I could easily keep this goal to myself and act like I never had it a month from now when training gets hard. But there is no hiding. There is no half-hearted attempts that may pass. It's either do or die. Ok, perhaps that was a bit too fatalistic! :)

If you don't think we runners are crazy, then just listen to this last quote, one of my favorites:

"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
~Jumbo Elliot

Trapped

2007-01-06T22:19:00.000-06:00

Sometimes there seems no place to go.

Another week comes and goes at work.
Another thirty-plus miles of running.
Another page turned in a book.
Another week a-flurry of church activity but seemingly little growth in my life or others.
Lunch with an old high-school friend.
A movie with an old friend moving away soon.

Trapped.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
~Eccl. 1:2

I'm not sure why I feel this way. Sometimes I think its the doldrums of life that hit from time to time. The monotony and predictability of it all. Other times I think its loneliness. Despite all the business of my life, and the many friends I'm blessed with, I still at times feel lonely. Often it's a lull in my faith and relationship with God. Or even a severance in a relationship with someone.

Tomorrow everything will be alright. I'll wake up and the world will be sunshine and rainbows again. But tonight I agree with Solomon.

Harry Potter!

2007-01-05T06:57:00.001-06:00

If this doesn't send chills down your spine then I don't know what will:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/harrypotterandtheorderofthephoenix/

I'll see you July 13th at 12:01 AM!

Editor's Note: For the record I've already watched the trailer over ten times. By July 13th it is fairly safe to say that I will have watched the trailer around five-hundred times. You may think I'm kidding, but ask anyone who knows me how many times I watched the Star Wars and LOTR trailers.

Going the Distance

2006-12-26T19:42:00.000-06:00

I believe Rocky Balboa is perhaps one of the premiere thinkers of the past two generations. Oh sure, he doesn't have great grammar and he wouldn't know the difference between Erasmus and Locke (I don't either come to think of it), but the guy has life figured out. Need proof? Read this quote from the latest movie:

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! "

Wow! Now that's what I'm talking about.

I can't believe how truly great Rocky really is. The character has such a simplistic approach to life that just works. He believes in people. He believes in good. He believes in hard work and going the distance. And really thats all it takes. The guy works hard; he's generally good to everyone he comes into contact with, including the competition, and people love him for it.

What's more, he knows what love is. Now call me your stereotypical guy, but I think one of the best portraits of love in movies is that of him and Adrian. Probably just about every girl I know right now is gagging themselves, but the Rocky series portrays a true lasting love. Its not based off of anything magical except for two people who believe in each other and who help each other out. After you get past all of the big-screen hype, that is what it is about.

If you need a bit of inspiration in life, then do yourself a favor: go see Rocky Balboa. That includes you ladies!

Time Person of the Year

2006-12-21T21:37:00.000-06:00

Time, that magazine Republicans love to hate, has bestowed you the honor of being the person of the year! I couldn't believe it myself! I thought you were fairly incredible, but now that Time says you are I'm sure of it. Don't believe me? Click here for the proof.

My friend Liz thinks this is a cop-out, but still I'm pretty proud of our accomplishment. And when Time puts it in their oh-so-eloquent manner I think they are right. The fact that I am vain enough to sit here and spew my thoughts, or the fact that you would post a video of your photo for the last six years is not much to talk about. But the fact that nearly everyone is either contributing or consuming Web 2.0, and that it has leveled the playing field in many arenas is incredible.

So I'm sure that I'll continue to contribute to this endeavor in the coming year. Look for more blogs where I ramble on incoherently simply due to my narcissism. Or perhaps I'll actually say something useful one of these times. A novel thought indeed - but meanwhile its probably best to amuse yourself on YouTube.

Worth the Read

2006-12-14T21:49:00.000-06:00

I don't believe I've ever highlighted somebody else's post. However, I read this post today and was touched by its troubling content and the sincerity from which it was written in. So please read and think/pray about this:

http://pancakesandtea.blogspot.com/2006/12/thirteen-going-on-thirty.html

Words of Wisdom from Unlikely Barnyard Animals

2006-12-13T22:49:00.000-06:00

"Why did you do all this for me?" he asked. "I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you."

"You have been my friend," replied Charlotte. "That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die... By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heavens knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."

~Charlotte's Web

Popularity Invasion

2006-12-12T21:30:00.000-06:00

I'm very distraught about something. It seems true nerds are being overrun by imposters. In fact, if we were the least bit hip we'd probably say there are a lot of "posers" out there invading our world. Somehow, with the invention of the Internet and popularity of tools like Facebook and IM, it has suddenly become cool to be nerdy. And brag about it!

The thing is, these people aren't really that nerdy. Is it truly nerdy to like a show like "Lost" and be obsessed about it? Or to say you are a "Trading Spaces" nerd? C'mon people, these aren't nerdy issues. These are popular culture issues. Stop invading our Trekkie world where we dream of multiverses and where we truly wished we lived in the Shire. Do you truly know how much RAM is in your laptop? Or even how RAM works? Seriously people!

I'd love to write more on this subject, but I've got to boogie to Justin Timberlake.

Neglecting the Double-Edge Sword

2006-12-04T21:25:00.000-06:00

So I'll just be honest and admit to you that I've neglected God's word for some time. I sometimes get in the rut that thinking prayer, contemplation, and philisophical musings are enough to keep me connected to God. And perhaps in a lot of ways they are. Not everyone after all has the ability to read or even has the ability to own a bible. So surely, as Romans hints at, there are plenty of other ways to get at God's truth. But, as I was reading tonight I remembered why I stopped reading. It's stinking painful sometimes! Ironically, as I was looking the verse up in which I wanted to talk about, I read the previous verse which says this:

"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart" (Heb. 4:12, NKJV).

And boy did the writer of Hebrews hit that nail on the head. The next verse pierced right through my soul and spirit which reads, "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account."

A couple of things tonight. First, its important to stay involved in God's word. I'm the biggest hypocrite at this because I know enough of scripture to be slightly dangerous. So I can get away looking like I know the Bible fairly well, but I so often miss what God is trying to tell me TODAY. Merely sitting around pontificating about "the church" or talking about your struggles with faith and God is not enough. You've got to get in there and read, wrestle, and fight with the word of God.

Second, God sometimes really scares me. And I think He should! When I was a kid I used to lie in bed at night going through my day, wondering if God was really going to read off all the things I had thought and done that day that were bad when it was my turn on Judgement Day. Then, as I got older, I learned about grace and sort of forgot about that fear. But still, Hebrews 4:13 should strike a bit of fear in our hearts. I don't think that grace gives us the right to wrecklessly sin. Not even the "small sins." We need to actively pursue a righteous life and not test the limits of Gods grace.

Finally, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of grace. I just think its good for me to dwell on the fact that God sees everything I do, and knows everything I think. I'm not a very good person when my thoughts and life are revealed, and while I may have everyone else fooled, I cannot fool God.

So break out the double-edged sword and be prepared to be pierced to the very marrow of your soul!

Dangers of Love

2006-11-20T21:30:00.000-06:00

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entaglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness."

The context of this quote is the fourth love in C.S. Lewis's work, charity. That being the case, I realize this isn't necessarily referring to romantic love. In fact, I think it refers to all types of possible relationships where love is an outlet of the relationship. Whether it be family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, or a significant other - love is a dangerous and murky territory to enter. It requires an investment and yes, true deep love does require vulnerability.

However, I know I must so often be on guard in falling in the trap that C.S. warns against. Because love requires us to be vulnerable, it so often hurts us when it doesn't work out like we want. When that happens my natural reaction has always been to return to something safe - those hobbies and little luxuries of life. To me, in high school and college, it was always running and academics. Both outlets always offered a consistent positive reward if investment was given. Not so with people, and thus I had to make sure I didn't close up in these worlds alone.

And really that is still a danger today, if not more so. The more I try to love the more I realize it hurts. Losing a family member that so much was invested in - hurts. Having friends move to foreign countries or even different states where you don't see them as oft as you'd like - hurts. Trying to get to know a girl where ultimately there is no reciprocation - hurts.

But, that is why Lewis gives us a strong urging at the end of this paragraph. I end with it. "...But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly same from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

Sock it to the Devil!

2006-11-18T09:23:00.000-06:00

I got an email a little over two weeks ago from one of my best friends. He wrote, "It's time we beat this. I'm sick of fighting this all the time. This month we're going to knock it out!" And thus began our month long attack against a certain sin that has plagued us both. We have both confessed to each other that we struggled with this problem, but beyond a few brow-beating sessions we had done little to change it.

Then we started our attack against the devil. Or as I like to say, "Ew-aw! Sock it to the devil!" For the past two weeks we've been praying everyday for each other and ourselves that we can beat this. We IM or call occassionally and talk about our struggle. Sure, its hard to say that I'm having a hard time with this and its an embarrassing subject matter to talk about. But its working!

And I feel myself becoming pure again. And feeling better and better about my relationship with God and others. Its amazing how this stuff works! Which makes me wonder - how much are Christians really addressing sin? I know that I've tried, but with little to no effect. In fact, it seems like it is easier for me to focus on making myself a "nicer person" then it is to address sin in my life. I've even used the excuse, "Well I'm a fallen man, this is just my vice, and what can I do?" Doesn't Paul himself say he does the things he does not want to do and that the flesh is weak? However, I'm starting to think that sin can be beaten with the power of God, the Holy Spirit, prayer, and a good friend on your side.

So I urge you, if there is sin in your life, to talk to a dear friend about it. Then work together and fight it. It is a wonderful feeling to give the ole devil a one-two punch and really mean it!

Good luck Republican Singles!

2006-11-14T21:57:00.000-06:00

I don't know why GMail thought this was a valid advertising suggestion, but it did. I believe all my dating woes have come to an end:

http://www.democraticsingles.net/?gclid=CJP6n--RyIgCFRDAJAodynauKA

The site advertises itself as such:

"Welcome to the internet's liberal dating service! Democrats, Greens, Vegetarians - Progressive singles of all flavors meet at Democratic Match! It's completely free to join and initiate contact with thousands of fun, cool, forward-thinking liberals!"

On behalf of all of us living here in the conservative Bible belt who never thought we had a chance to meet someone a bit more 'forward-thinking', I say thank you democraticsingles.net!

------------
P.S. I promise! Something serious and thought-provoking soon.

November 1st

2006-11-01T22:40:00.000-06:00

Today is the first day of Christmas music. Enjoy.

Games

2006-10-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

Love?
No.

Attraction?
Perhaps.

Everything Bad is Good For You: Part I

2006-10-16T14:56:00.000-05:00

"You know what your problem is?" Not too many good conversations start off in this manner. However, recently I was at a retreat when one of my friends, Kari, started a conversation in this very way. I wasn't really sure where this was going because the question seemed to have no context, but she quickly went on to say, "You try too hard. You actually try not to like things and you even seem happy of your ignorance on not knowing much about pop culture. You may be missing out on some good things you know."

She was right - to an extent. I sort of like saying that I have no clue what happens on Gray's Anatomy and am very proud that I could probably count the number of reality TV episodes I've watched on one hand. But, with all things, I'm inconsistent and can't keep up to my own standards of pop culture snobbery. I do watch things like Everybody Loves Raymond, West Wing, and starting this past weekend - Lost. I also started a book entitled Everything Bad is Good for You which discusses the merits of popular culture and how it is actually making us more intelligent. I grew up with the mentality that watching TV pretty much made you less intelligent, and so this book is definitely trying to blow that paradigm out of the water. But more on that in a later post.

Last night Stephen, Jen and I got to talking about what was actually good for us to consume from pop culture and what was not. We all admitted to the guilty pleasure of laughing at things that perhaps were funny but very inappropriate. In fact, in thinking about it, the standard seems to be if it is funny or highly entertaining than it is ok. God surely knows we wouldn't ever contemplate living the way those characters would and its ok if we laugh at their foolishness and the humerous situations their lifestyles create. A great example of a show that is definitely on the edge of questionable is Seinfeld. I find that show as funny as the next person, but I will admit to watching episodes that made me blush where sex was talked about so flippantly that the show totally defied the Christian concepts of purity, holiness, and honor within marriage.

I'm conservative but I don't go to the extent that we should banish Harry Potter and have a public book burning because he is a wizard. Indeed, we can decipher between fact and fiction. And perhaps, while I'm not a huge consumer of popular culture, I should only partake in what is actually good for me. What do you all think? When and where do we draw the line between being conservative and enjoying what popular culture gives us?

I'll end with this -- "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -- Phillipians 4:8

Friends

2006-10-12T21:27:00.000-05:00

"People who bore one another should meet seldom; people who interest one another, often."
~C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I love C.S. Lewis. Sometimes I feel like he's my long lost brother, or perhaps my friend Peter. I feel so close to him, that on occassion I call him C.S. But seriously, I think the man is brilliant. I told my friend Ann the other day that I was pretty sure he was the modern day Paul. Naturally she retorted, "Perhaps in the circles you run with." Sometimes I think he is as beloved amongst searching Christians today as Paul was in his day.

Recently I've been reading The Four Loves, which has really made me contemplate how I interact with people. The "four loves" he discusses are: "affection", "friendship", "eros", and "charity". If I was prudent I would read the section on charity before I say anything more, but since I'm young and foolish I'll spout some of my opinions recklessly.

I really like the quote this blog starts with, and I love C.S. Lewis's definition of friendship. He makes a very marked difference between affection/need based friendship and true friendship. Friends, he says, often meet with this typical opening expression, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." I think this is the reason that whenever I meet someone who is crazy enough to go run before the sun dawns they are my new instant best friend. This shared interest is the true bonding point of friendship.

Another favorite quote corresponds with why it is hard for some people to have true friendships. Lewis writes, "That is why those pathetic people who simply 'want friends' can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be 'I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend,' no friendship can arise...There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something."

So the question becomes then, are many of our friendships true friendships or are they of some other nature? Often times our friendships are affection/need based. A "friendship" occurs if that person meets certain needs of yours, or you meet needs of theirs. This occurs more readily in "friendships" between the sexes and is often why these types of relationships struggle. Because they are more driven off of a give and take basis, they become more prone to hurt, anger, and ultimately destruction since the relationship is not based off of a shared interest.

I'm not sure what this all means. Certainly I shouldn't align myself with only runners. Or computer nerds. Or guys who like to talk about girls. But I think it does mean that I shouldn't just pursue friendships for the sake of friendships. It does me no good to fake interest in OU football, in attempts to make a friend. That person will see through me quicker than a Texas touchdown, much like I will see through them if they cannot even eek out a 12 minute mile. I think, though, it makes me evaluate my friendships that might possibly be need/affection based. If we are just using each other to meet some unfulfilled need, there might be a deeper issue that should be addressed. But then, there is this fourth love called charity....

A Plane Encounter

2006-09-30T00:15:00.000-05:00

I saw her as she neared gate 32. Amongst all the harried flyers stressed about their delayed flight, she was different. Far from exasperation, her face carried a sense of peace, bemusement, and lightheartedness which I found refreshing. It didn’t hurt that she was cute.

Group after group boarded the plane. I was to sit near the front of the plane, so I was the last group to be called for boarding. My group finally called, I noticed she was just now getting on as well. I board, find my seat, and notice that she had been behind me all this time only to hear her say, “I believe I’m sitting next to you.”

Terrified, I remained quiet for nearly an hour. Even as I age my shyness remains, much the same way it exuded itself in my youth. There are essentially three socially-acceptable opportunities that one has a chance to engage someone on an airplane: takeoff, beverage distribution, and landing. Takeoff had come and gone, and we were nearing the end of snack time. Heart pounding in my chest, my mind raced to think of a stimulating, yet appropriate opening question.

“Are you stopping in Chicago, or going somewhere else?” I ask.

After a slight pause, surprised I have the ability of producing sound with my vocal cords she responds, “Just stopping in Chicago.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” I reply. “Do you live there?”

“No, just meeting some friends. I live in Boston and this is the furthest I’ve ever been in the Midwest.”

I saw my opportunity and took it. “Are you kidding me?” I ask incredulously.

From there we entered into a lively discussion about the Midwest, where she asked me what there was to do out here – the implications being obvious.

“Oh probably the same things you do out there. What do you do in Boston?” – “Oh sleep.” -- “Yep, you can definitely do that here. Although normally I line-dance whenever I’m not at the rodeo.”

She looks at me in disbelief, and the conversation takes off with all my southern charm and her New England civility. I realized there was a world of difference between her and me, and I also realized I had never talked to someone so seemingly similar but so very different from myself.

When I traveled to Japan I expected to be different. Even in Europe and Australia I had no expectations of having remarkable similarities between the locals and myself. But talking to her, someone who was fresh out of college and had a very professional job like my own, I expected to relate more. The differences quickly became visible as I realized I was more boisterous than her, while she was more well-mannered. She loved the city and the “pubs”; I liked the countryside and Gatorade. Both of us were highly educated and well-traveled, but I appeared to be someone who was posing as an intellectual and world-traveler. She, on the other hand, made it appear that it was as natural for her to fly to Europe as it was for me to drive to Texas.

The conversation ends and I return to my book, spending the remainder of the flight in silence after a rewarding half-hour conversation.

The plane eventually started its descent and I realized that there probably should be no landing talk. My bravado gone, I waited for the plane to land and turned to her and said “Have a good time in Chicago.”

“Have a nice weekend.”

I never caught her name.

Fear, Tradition, and Dirt Roads

2006-09-23T14:23:00.000-05:00

I went to bed early last night. Not because I was tired, but because I was full of fear. Then I tossed and turned starting about four till I woke up. I always have trouble sleeping whenever I'm upset or worried about something. This morning I had good reason for lost sleep - I was going running.

I graduated from college over three years ago, and during my days at OC I was a fairly successful athlete and scholar. My philosophy on life had been that you can be great at anything if you put your all into it, and if you make the necessary sacrifices. Then I graduated. I decided it was time for a paradigm shift and that my new objective was going to be fun. I threw discipline to the wind and started having a good time, forgetting what it mean to regularly train or study on a consistent basis.

Now three years later I am about twenty-five pounds heavier, a whole lot slower, and probably much duller then I was back in my OC days. But this morning the spark and drive from college was reignited.

You see I went running with a guy who was a freshman when I was a senior, and also with one of the best runners the state of Oklahoma has ever known. I knew what I had become and what I had been, thus the fear existed of how these two guys would demolish me out on the road. For this reason alone I have mainly ran by myself for three years, telling myself that it was ok to be slow. It is a natural result of age after all, right? Out on the road though there is nowhere to hide - you either have it or you don't. And this morning I certainly didn't.

But I hung on for dear life with my friend Wade and ran the fastest ten miler I have ran in years. Afterwards I dry-heaved like the good ole days, over and over again. However, I realized something in that whole experience and that was I do not like mediocraty. I enjoy life by doing things well, and sometimes that means having discipline and working hard. There was a real thrill in having worked myself to the breaking point this morning, and my self-esteem skyrocketed.

And a traditiona was born! We decided that we would start getting together every Saturday morning, when most people are still asleep in their beds, and run a long run together. What a strange way for God to answer prayers though! Just last night I was frustrated with God in that I felt lost and alone, with no one who I really connect with. And while I don't know these guys well yet, I do know that if we do continue to get together and run we will form a very deep bond. There is just something in sweat, eccentricy, and a dirt road that brings people together. Or at least us crazy runners!

Seth Examined

2006-09-20T17:45:00.000-05:00

For weeks I've been promising a post on the Ashley Stockingdale series, and while it has been sometime since I've completed the books I haven't been able to come up with a suitable blog. I've thought of posting everything from a three-part series examining the three main characters, to a simple one line post that would read, "These books are ridiculous." I think I'll compromise though and tribute one blog to our dear friend Seth, and conclude with the fact that this series was truly ridiculous.

Short biased synopsis for those who haven't read the books (beware, spoilers!):
This series was popular in our class at church by many of the girls in class, and thus I thought I would see what all the intrigue was about. Essentially the plot consists of a self-centered, materialistic, over-indulgent Christian female who is a successful patent lawyer in Silicon Valley. Her main goals in life consist of shopping and trying to get married. Enter hapless computer engineer, Seth. He's a sweet guy who is incredibly itelligent and balding. Unfortunately he suffers from being socially awkard like the rest of us guys who don't have a clue. Ashley is in love with him, and they even date for a considerable time although eventually he isn't ready to commit. Thankfully Ashley is rescued by a pediatrician doctor who looks like Hugh Jackman (whoever that is) that must have memorized all of the romantic lines from Casablanca. The story ends with, surprise upon surprise, her marrying the cute, suave guy leaving the computer engineer in the dust.

Seth Examined
I really liked Seth in the first book. Probably the reason why is because I identified with him the most. As much as I would like to think I look like Hugh Jackman and can quote Emily Dickenson, truth is I probably am a lot more like the goofy, bumbling Ben Stiller. Unfortunately we never get all of Seth's story and we are left to wonder what his life consisted of before the Ashley drama started. I like to think that he tried to start relationships with several girls who broke his heart, and thus he gradually becomes increasingly more passive in his attempts to meet girls. So by the time he becomes interested in Ashley he is so confused of what a girl is looking for he doesn't know what to do.

Unfortunately this perspective is never told, and we see Ashley constantly ragging on him for being a weak, timid male. Thus we start to see the true nature of Ashley in that she has no understanding of humans outside of herself. Even in her relationship with Kevin (the cute doctor) we constantly see how the relationship revolves solely around her which was frankly disheartening.

Back to Seth. In the end I was disappointed by him, because he wasn't bold enough to put it all out on the line. When he finally got up the courage it was too late, and he had missed his opportunity. However, in some ways I think Seth got the better end of the deal since I was never a big fan of Ashley! :)

This is a very consise editorial, and I'm afraid it doesn't do the series justice. The books were ok, although should only be taken as a merely entertaining read. The editor missed a ton of mistakes, and the books will only truly be relateable for probably ten years since they are inundated with current cultural trends which will eventually fade. But, if you are looking to kill some time and perhaps some brain cells, knock yourself out! You may even learn there are more brands of clothing then Gap and Old Navy.

Diminishing Returns

2006-09-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

"About a Boy" starts out with the main character segmenting his life into chunks of time. Granted most of these chunks either involve him getting a massage, or watching worthless British game shows, but this is how his daily activities are dictated. His life flows along very smoothly as long as he can fit everything into these perfect divisions. Recently I've been feeling like my life is much the same way. Here is my day-to-day activities for Monday thru Friday:

5:20 - 6:10: Wake up, go run
6:10 - 6:30: Stretch
6:30 - 6:45: Shower, get dressed
6:45 - 7:05: Eat breakfast, prepare lunch, clean kitchen, brush teeth
7:05 - 5:00: Work
5:00 - 7:00: Study Greek / Eat Dinner / Go to meetings
7:00 - 9:00: Bible study / Greek class / church
9:00 - 10:00: Study Greek or pretend to and actually read a book/magazine I find interesting
10:00 - 10:30: Read Bible, pray, go to bed

The scary thing is I'm trying to figure out how to actually make more time to do other things in this schedule. My running time is going to get pushed up more and more as my runs get longer, and it appears I will have to study harder at Greek if I want to make an A.

Which has made me realize that you eventually reach a diminishing returns point when you suffer from a lack of time. You cannot do everything exceptionally well, especially the more you try and do. So what do you let slide? This is my struggle right now. I love running and being in shape way too much to give up running every morning, which also means I have to go to bed relatively early. I have a great job but it has high expectations so I can't really slack off there. That seems to leave only one thing: Greek.

To those of you who are not very studious, that seems relatively easy! The thing is, the last time I made a B was in Calculus senior year. I pretty much adopted the philosophy in college that there is no reason you cannot get an A in every course if you devote enough time and attention to the subject. I still believe the same holds true in graduate school. Perhaps I'm a bit delusional, or perhaps I just have not been in a subject that I haven't been able to wrap my little dendrites around yet. But Greek seems to be pushing me on both areas: its time consuming and its stinking hard!

So I don't want to give up and settle for a B just yet. But I'm wondering just how much I kill myself for this one. And perhaps, moreover, how much do I kill myself for grad school? I started the M.A. program because I was bored and felt like I was watching too much TV. Its always good to know more about the Bible and thus it seemed a prudent thing to do with my abundance of time. Even now my primary motivation is to know more about God by taking these clases. However, that nagging GPA issue looms over my head like the dark cloud that it is. Blah! Plus having friends, a life, and perhaps a bit of relaxation wouldn't be a bad thing either. Any words of advice from any of you that have worked hard in the scholarly world I would appreicate.

I just looked back at my schedule and realized "blog time" was not on there. I must get back to it!

More Inaccessible than Jane Eyre

2006-09-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

I have been disconnected from the world for nearly five days. That's right, I am without my BlackBerry! Last Saturday while we were camping a torrential downpour (I just like using the phrase 'torrential downpour') occurred and my BlackBerry fizzled out. Since then I've been without not only a phone, but constant email and Internet access. Really and truely, I don't know how I'm functioning.

Actually, quite nicely! Its kind of nice to be disconnected from the world. Instead of feeling the necessity to immediately respond to every email or phone call, I feel like I have a justified cause to take my time in returning correspondance. Now, by taking my time I mean within a few hours, but that is way longer than the usual immediacy a BlackBerry imposes.

Which has gotten me thinking how our communication expectations have changed over the past five years. Five years ago I had voice mail and email in my room only. Thus I could only reasonably be expected to return a message from the point I returned to my dorm. So typically this would be given at least a half-to-full day turn around time. With the increased use of cellphones though not only do I feel the expectations to get back immediately, but be available almost 24/7 to answer the call since my cell should be with me at all times. Now that I have a Blackberry the same is true with email. I had a friend the other day at work that was shocked it took him 45 minutes to get a response back from someone. 45 minutes!

I think your communication expectations are somewhat determined by your technocratic status. People with only landlines have a different set of expectations placed on them then their cellphone counterparts. The same is true between people with email at home as opposed to BlackBerry devices.

This doesn't seem quite fair though. Oh sure, I still have a choice whether or not to respond to work after 5:00 and I have set a rule for myself to not reply unless its an emergency. But at what point do you become accountable for knowledge? At the time you receive it?

I wish life was like the days of Jane Eyre. I remember while reading the book how easy it was for Jane to disappear, and how nice that would be. Jane was completly distraught with her trust and love being violated, and thus she runs out in the middle of the night. No attempts to discover her location prevailed. Because she did not have a cell phone, email, or any other device which is not location specific she had the ability to disappear forever. That really got me thinking about how all of our communication mechanisms have changed the expectations of our relationships.

Ok, well ironically, on this communicative medium known as a blog I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts out. If you want to know more, just call. I'll get back to you in time. :)

Mom

2006-08-28T18:13:00.000-05:00

One year ago on August 25th my mom passed away. It was a day that was bittersweet. We were thankful that her body and soul now had the rest she deserved, but sad to no longer have her with us. She had suffered bitterly since she discovered that she had cancer, and literally hung onto a small thread of life for her last couple of weeks on earth. I remember praying that God would just give her relief, because it was the most horribly painful position I'd ever seen anyone be in. I never talk about that, and probably never will again on this blog.

I've missed my mom in the past year a great deal. I think I may have taken her for granted all these years, because only when she is no longer with us do I realize what a great woman she was for our family. She was the glue that tied us all together. In a family of all boys, that would naturally be the case. She was also the most spiritually strong in our family. Daily she would pray for us individually, bringing before God whatever struggles we were each undergoing. She was also the model of true Christainity - always trying to do what was right, and never one to deny that she had made a mistake.

In listing these things its funny what I remember most. It isn't that she was terribly funny (although boy could she get carried away!), or extremely creative, or even overly brilliant. It is those fruits of the spirits that she so readily portrayed that I remember. Which is probably why God wants us to develop them so much, because they are what truly matter most. We might be remembered for being an enjoyable person to be around, but more importantly it seems we'll be remembered by the quality of our life in our relationships to others.

Yeah, I miss my mom. But it is a strange kind of longing I have for her. I miss her in those times of need that only a mother can provide comfort. Confusion over why people are behaving in such a way, life becoming overwhelming, and simply when you need a pep talk to keep on going. And its in the future that I will miss her too. She will not be there when I get married one day, and the wonderful girl I marry will not get to know her either. Never will she see her grandchildren, nor see me graduate from grad school, or move into my first house.

But life goes on. It must. And just like we live for Jesus because of the great sacrifice he gave us, so also my family lives for my mother because of all her daily sacrifices she never failed to give us.

So thanks mom. I love you and miss you.

Giving God a Helping Hand

2006-08-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

So I said I was going to write an article on what I thought of What a Girl Wants, but I've been told that I must read the final installment in the series before I rave and rant about the grave injustice done to poor computer engineer Seth. Let me finish the final book, and then you can all peer into the male perspective of a book that makes the Baby Sitters Club look like "Leave it to Beaver" of the girly genre. (For the record, I have no idea whether you italicize, place quotes, or underline a T.V. series. Don't ask me why, but referencing "Law and Order" was not sufficient as a primary source for moral justice in philosophy class.)

The last couple of days I've learned many important things, or rather relearned them. Last night's lesson at church, coupled with tonight's Bible study reminded me that God is in control. For a type A personality, this is very hard to remember. I am constantly trying to lay out the fleece for God to see if He likes my plan. How rarely He does I've discovered! For some reason I foolishly think that I can come up with these great plans, manipulate this given situation, or place myself in this arena, and then pray to God and tell Him to get to work. I'm well aware that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16, NIV) and thus I fully expect my prayers to be answered in the way I deem appropriate. Shoot, I can move mountains if I have faith as a mustard seed, and I think I'm at least at the pumpkin seed level by this point.

But asking God to be who He i s not, and trying to bend His will to my own is not what He is after. Now I am one that continually struggles with the issue of God's will vs. free will, and I still don't have a solid answer on that but what I do know is that God is the potter, and I am the clay. And much like the pot in Jeremiah, I sometimes get bent out of shape. Thankfully God molds me back to something useful. Perhaps its time I let God do the work. I've got a bedtime to meet anyways, and He's got an extra eight hours on me (not to mention at least 10,000 years more experience*).

*Just trying to give a nod to all those young-earth people out there! :)

A Mushy Kind of Post

2006-08-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

"I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones."
~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Trusting Oscar for pearls of wisdom, or at least his charcters in Dorian Gray, is a risky endeavor to embark upon. I recently finished Dorian Gray, and while I found Oscar's wit far exceeded my own, I did not agree with much the guy had to say. However, this quote is one that I've heard many times and I've thought about it quite a lot recently.

When I was in the social-service organization Outreach, an evangelistic/ministry type group at Oklahoma Christian, I became skilled at meeting new people and making new friends. Inclusion was one of the greatest aspects of Outreach and was a place that all types of people felt welcome. Several mission trips, and a few excursions overseas, further developed the ability to meet and love new people and I quickly found that I really enjoyed getting to know others. There is always so much to learn from new people, and they always seem so more incredibly interesting than myself anyways.

However, this past month I've had the opportunity to spend time with some of my "old friends." My friend Melissa, who is probably my longest lifetime friend, came in and we spent several days catching up and reminiscing. Then I spent quality time with some of my best guy friends - Peter and Travis - on a road trip, and I also had the chance of seeing a close friend, Alayna, from Arizona this morning. Add on top of that a very heartfelt note from my friend Ann in Brazil, and I am left feeling very content and blessed by my friendships.

So I don't quite agree with Sir Wilde. Yes, I love learning all about my new friends. I get a sense of wonder when hearing all about their adventures, hopes, dreams, and more for the first time. But there is great joy in knowing that you have friends you can count on, who will love you regardless of how quirky you are even if you happen to get grumpy at around 10 o'clock, and who will make you feel relatively normal when you confess your neurotic thoughts.

Sorry for waxing nostalgic in this post, but I felt this quote pushed me to speak on what a great blessing friendship is. Now I bid you adieu, I have a friend in from California this afternoon to hang out with!

This Just In

2006-08-16T17:37:00.000-05:00

I promise, I am working on a real post! I've already got a couple ideas in mind including a thought Oscar Wilde led me too and my thoughts on the book popular amongst girls in my church called "What a Girl Wants." However, today as I prepare these thoughts I wanted to give you some quick third-person blurbs of randomness.

TRAVIS AND BLAKEWELL REUNITE FOR VOLUME II

After a bitter separation that has lasted over three years, Travis and Blake have recently reconciled their differences to come together once again for a collection of Christmas favorites. Many of you were taken by storm when Volume I came out, and Volume II promises to do what many sequels can't - top their initial release. If you are interested in this rare blend of Christmas flair, send your mailing address to blakewell@gmail.com or post here on this entry and we will get a copy out to you hopefully by November 1st. (For the record, we never broke up - we just took a fourteen year vacation.)

BLAKEWELL TO BREAK 1:30 IN DALLAS WHITE-ROCK HALF

Facing insurmountable odds, and overcoming a lengthy surgery recovery, Blakewell has announced that he will break 1:30 in the Dallas marathon. "I am tired of laboriously trotting along doing 8-minute miles day in and out. It's time to shake it up." stated Blakewell in a recent conversation in his head at Heifer Park. While this may not seem spectacular to those of you who remember his former self, this marks his pledge to rejoin the running world and leave the jogging penguin's in the dust.*

HEAVEN'S ANGELS - FUTURE ADDITION AT STURGIS BIKE RALLY

After a recent, moving experience up in the South Dakota area, Blakewell has decided to trade in his khakis for a pair of leathers and form Heaven's Angels. Ok, so maybe there is already a group called Bikers for Jesus out there, but all the same this man is ready to evangelize on a hog. "Sojourners can wait (referring to his life-long dream of being 65, having an RV, and traveling the country helping others). Nothing against Mr. Honda, but its time I break out my leather-bound NIV and reach out to the modern-day proverbial chariot." - noted Blakewell upon return from his life-altering road trip.

*See Runner's World for penguin reference.

For Fear of Omission

2006-08-11T13:43:00.000-05:00

Sandwiched between trips, I felt I should write a quick blog. I just returned from San Diego where I attended the ESRI User Conference, also known as geek central. After careful thought I believe I agree with my dear friend Melissa in that this conference qualified more as a geek event than a nerd event. Geeks are often a bit eccentric in their interests, and lack the social prowess to have restraint in their enthusiasm. That certainly was the case here, and yes, I will admit that I raised the roof, threw out the Arsenio Hall, and went to a map viewing. How can you restrain yourself when you can do 3D spatial modeling?

Next up is Mt. Rushmore. Or at least that is the plan as of 1:50 today. Our plan has gone all the way from Montana to Chicago, with even Texas in between. So let’s hope the car points north when we head out tonight.

Well it is hard to resurrect a rather dry post, but sometimes what can you do? I’m sure between the four of us boys we will have plenty of in-depth conversations from the foundations of the universe to girls, so out of all that I’m sure I’ll have something more fascinating when I get back.

Farewell and good luck!

Can I Get a "What What?"

2006-07-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

Getting comments on your blog is a funny thing. The success of a blog entry can be determined by the number of comments left, especially if you have a relatively regular flow of visitors who like to leave their two cents worth. Now this is not always the case - some blogs may resonate so much with a reader that they feel it might be too personal to post their response. I've read blogs like that, and perhaps I've even authored a few myself. Other blogs, as you find out when talking to your brother at Waffle House, seem like a stretch. Apparently a mere hypothetical about what might the United States have been like had the union lost still doesn't propagate the respect our dear friend Honest Abe deserves. Shame on you is all I have to say!

Certain subject matters or literary devices seem to have predictable results though. If the blog is fairly witty, humorous, and enjoyable many people will leave a comment. However, if the subject is about religion, a blogger stands a 50/50 chance of getting comments. This outcome seemingly depends on whether people agree with you or not. One subject that everyone will weigh in on is matters of the heart (i.e. females). People will post faster on a good relationship issue than any other topic I can come up with. I would trump this card in times when I am desperate for some comment affirmation, but due to the fact that I’m usually not sure whether the muse of these articles is also an avid fan of the blog, I try to avoid hints and allusions for maturities sake.

That said, and knowing I have a 50/50 shot at good comments, I wanted to blog about this verse I came across yesterday while reading Proverbs. Proverbs 29:11 reads: “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” The Proverbs has been a challenging read this month. I was encouraged to read one chapter a day by a website I listen to regularly, and took the challenge. Some days I failed and had to read two or three the following day, but tomorrow I will determine what to look for in a woman* and be done with the book (read Proverbs 31 if you don’t know what I’m referring to). Perhaps that would make for a good post?

So anyways, it occurred to me that I am much like a fool in many ways according to the Proverbs. The prevailing theme in America is: “do what feels good and makes you happy.” This is seconded by the fact that feelings and emotions are what truth consists of - all reason and wisdom is insensitive, cold, and heartless. I think Solomon would think we were very foolish in how we base a lot of our philosophies.

I’ve said too much as it is. Solomon also has much to say about the man who runs his mouth or pen. Good night!

-----------------------------
*Yes, you theological scholars. I am shallow enough to think Proverbs 31 is really about a virtuous wife. I recall somewhere back in my OC days that this really isn't the case, but us untrained liaty must make do with our literal approaches.

Thank You Abe Lincoln!

2006-07-20T17:16:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you sat down and earnestly was thankful for Abe Lincoln? What? Never! Well I think its high time to reconsider and perhaps look for the aurora borealis so you can time warp to tell the man what a good job he did.

You see, last Saturday night I went and watched a great movie called the Confederate States of America. This movie asked the hypothetical question of what would have happened had the confederates won the civil war. Now I'll admit, I usually don't ponder such questions unless I'm sitting in U.S. History class. I know some of you probably think that all I do is sit around all day and ask such questions as "What would have happened had Frosted Flakes not been invented?" and "What if Russia was a wee bit smaller and a lot less cold, how would have World War I have turned out?" But I don't!

However, last night a few of my friends, a bunch of OKC elites who laugh as if they were an a tennis match, and I entertained this question at the OKC Art Museum Theater. Let's just say we better be thanking our dear friend Abe and his Union buddies a lot. Basically it boiled down to the fact that if slavery had persisted we would have been a slave nation forever. Now those of us who were born after 1865 (I hope Google was right on that one!) can't even fathom this type of mindset. If the confederacy had won though we would probably have at least one or two slaves ourselves. This might result in a much cleaner bedroom, but probably a much more dismal world.

It is amazing what freedom does for a place. America is so attractive to people, even today, because of its freedoms and equal rights. It doesn't matter if your black nor while, male nor female, Jew nor Gentile - oh wait - this is starting to sound like Paul! But seriously, we pretty much love everyone here which has brought us all sorts of talent, opportunities, and has made us a great nation.

The movie showed how many important people, cultural nuances, and more that we would have lost had slavery continued. Harriet Tubman was sadly executed for War Crimes. Susan B. Anthony moved to Canada giving Canadian women the first crack at voting rights. Jazz was deemed too wild and banished from our land. On and on the movie showed how one pivitol war affected our mindset up until even today.

So next time you are in Washington D.C. go up to Lincoln and tell him thanks. You might even give him a hug. He always looks a bit somber and unappreciated.

Greener Pastures

2006-07-15T08:28:00.000-05:00

Where are you from? This question never had much meaning for me until I began college. Then I became distinctly proud of being from Missouri. Not quite the same type of pride that a Texan has in blessing someone with their magnanimous presence, but a more subtle pride in being slightly different than the majority of my Oklahoma/Texas college peers.

When I graduated though and started residing in Oklahoma I had a new problem on my hands. Now I wasn't returning home every summer and living at my parents' house. In fact, I even quickly earned an earmarker of Oklahoma status - an Oklahoman license plate. Things were going southwest and quick! Yet I held on to my Missouri driver's license and rest assured that I would never ever truly call myself Oklahoman.

Last year I caught my break and moved about as far from Oklahoma as a person humanly can - Japan. I loved Japan and I thought I saw a glimmer of light at the end of my yellow tunnel. Yet, when tragedy struck I found myself returning to a place I felt comfortable in, loved, and wanted. That's right - Oklahoma.

And strangely, over the last year, I've started to like the place. Just this summer I've been to two beautiful parts of the state I had no idea existed - Robber's Cave and Tallequah. And even in day-to-day speech I sometimes catch myself telling people I am from Oklahoma City.

On Monday that transition will be complete. I will have bought my first home here where the land is grand, if not a bit yellow. I never saw myself settling down here, and in reality still don't. But for now at least I'm an Oklahoman. Perhaps that isn't such a bad thing. Sure I long for green trees, rolling hills, and even an occasional natural lake. But for now this is home.

Time to go ya'll. I'm fixin' to go on a walk.

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P.S. To my wonderful brother Marc: this article is in no way to change your mind about L.A. I would have painted a prettier picture if it was! :)

Thumper's Mom was Right

2006-07-11T20:12:00.000-05:00

One of the most important lessons I ever learned came from being in the play Bambi. My only theatrical performance was in first grade, and I believe our costumes were made out of grocery bags and crayons which didn't seem to matter at the time. I don't remember a single one of my lines, but I do remember one from Thumper's mom: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." This made a lasting impression on me and is still a rule of thumb I try to live by today.

That being said, I was reading Proverbs 10 tonight and was surprised by some of the wisdom Solomon dispensed on usage of that powerful tool, the tongue. For example:

v. 8 The wise in heart accept commands,
but a chattering fool comes to ruin.

v. 10 He who winks maliciously causes grief,
and a chattering fool comes to ruin.

v. 19 When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.

You get the point. I don't think that Solomon is saying that we all should become mimes so that we don't come to ruin. In my extremely shy youth I would have wholeheartedly agreed with that logic since I didn't begin talking until college. But I do think he is instructing us to be prudent with our speech. Paul further supports this in Ephesians 4:29 when he says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

This makes me wonder how much of my speech is hollow, shallow, and unnecessary. Do I delight in building others up, or in tearing them down? Should I be more careful with my wit and moreover my sarcasm? Humor is highly valued in American culture. Sometimes I think it is valued more highly than wisdom, or in knowing when not to speak. And often we write things off that we say by blowing it off as a joke. If we make fun of someone we just say that we are "merely kidding." I'm not saying humor is not good or enjoyable, but perhaps more emphasis should be placed on building one another up rather than quipping one-liner tear downs.

I'm done. I won't type myself into ruin tonight.

Too Many Humans, Not Enough of our Ancestors

2006-07-05T11:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, against my better judgement, I went to the Witchita Zoo with my friend Stephen. I've never been crazy about zoos, which also is probably why I'm still single. What girl in her right mind is going to like a guy who doesn't feign excitement over enslaved kangaroos? But before my entire female readership base (all three of you) leave for more sensitive male blogs let me explain.

You see, the reason I don't like zoos is because I'm a runner. Or was, before I got the SlingShot2. Seriously though, any runner who goes to the zoo cannot help but to feel a little sad. Next time you go to the lion, bald eagle, or cougar exhibit notice what all three of these magnificent animals are doing. Sleeping! Why? Because they have essentially twenty square feet to move around in. There is nowhere for them to open up and extend their legs/wings into full stride. Instead, they sit there and sleep for our enjoyment. That's why I like zoos.

But that's not why I am writing. The reason I'm writing is because we need to curb procreation. There are just too many people in this world and it has got to stop! In fact, just this morning I was reading that we were going to hit 300 million people in America around October 17th. And of course the same thing we know about compuonding interest is true with people, thus I see no end sight until the avian flu hits.

What I did learn from the zoo though is that homosapiens seem to be the only group doing well in this world. Every other creature known to man is on the decline, including our ancestors the monkeys. They are doing really bad from what I could tell of multiple exhibits. It kind of makes you wonder though why many biologists work so hard to save them if they truely believe in survival of the fittest.

Anyways, the moral of the story is one baby a piece people! This should cut the population back in half in only a generation and then we won't have to move to North or South Dakota, about the only place population is actually declining. Who in their right mind wants to be forced to do that?

Devil is Deceptive as Always

2006-07-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

The devil is unbelievably clever. For some time now I've been frustrated with my spiritual life. I don't feel like I'm growing, although I feel like I think and learn more about God everyday. That seems incongruous to me and is extremely troubling. Then today at church we had an interesting sermon on "God Bless the USA." Let me just say when I saw that topic in all its PowerPoint glory I was not thrilled. Another lesson on why America is apparently God's chosen nation was not what I longed to hear.

Over the course of the sermon something happened. I realized that I was getting frustrated over the wrong things. As my preacher laid out how the prophets had great love for their country and people, and I reflected on thoughts I heard earlier from Jacob's Well about how the Bible is not wholly devoted to the afterlife, I realized that I had been overly critical. Augustine's Confessions then slapped me across my face as I listened to his earnest yearnings on knowing and understanding God.

That's when it occurred to me that over the past few months I have lost my focus. I have become more concerned with petty issues of what is taught in church, how people interact in our class, dating, etc. and no longer was earnestly seeking God. Sure I could tell you how American theology is a little confused over why God "chose America", or perhaps what's wrong with how my church does things, but that gets me no closer to God. The devil had tricked me yet again!

You see, sometimes we get worked up and have righteous indignation over the wrong things. Or at least I do. We get frustrated with our churches because they are not meeting our spiritual needs. We even gossip about people in our classes, or we decry the liberal left for their wayward ways. Yet when we discuss these things we consider them of the uptmost importance and can go on for hours, days, even weeks with great religious fervor trying to solve these issues. Instead our focus should be on knowing and God and better serving Christians and non-Christians alike.

So here is hoping towards a renewed focus. I hope to focus less on being critical (always hard for someone who thinks a lot and reads a number of random books that have a critical bent), and more on truly understanding and feeling the love of God. It will be tough, but a worthwhile endeavor. I'm on to you devil!

And so it began

2006-06-29T20:09:00.000-05:00

A year ago about this time it began. I was reminded of this in two ways yesterday. First, I had a bad dream. I occassionally have dreams about my mother many which include images of the last few weeks of life with her. Last night was of a different variety in that for a period of time I believed my mom was still alive and I got to talk to her again. While this is pleasant during the dream, waking up is another matter. The second reminder was from my mother's best friend who emailed us to send us her sympathies since it was June 28th that she was first told that my mom had level three ovarian cancer.

I won't retell the roller-coaster summer that was the summer of '05. I'd like to spend this next portion of my blog reminiscing of how I've grown and life has gotten back on track, and everything is now coming up roses for me, but I won't. God has, however, blessed me in numerous ways, and I'm extremely thankful for His help in the last year.

No, I'd like to just be honest and say that things have changed. While I've always had a jovial disposition, I at times am quite sad. I feel my own mortality daily, and am fearful of my own death. Even more I'm afraid of the death of my family and friends. Somehow this mortality deeply affects my outlook on life and how I view the world. I can't quite place my finger on it, but the things that are considered trivial seem even more so now. Gone is my joy of being continuously goofy, flippant, and silly - replaced by a measured sobriety tempered with somberness.

I love God. I believe in God and always will. However, I have a hard time being like Paul in his zeal. Perhaps I will grow more and more into the stature of his ways where I can one day say "To live or die, all is but gain for Christ" [paraphrase]. And maybe like James I can count it pure joy when I am tried. But I feel more like David who got frustrated, depressed, and even felt desserted by God. Like David though ultimately I believe that God is good and just and will praise His name all of my days. Lord, come quickly.

More Like Sugar Than Salt

2006-06-25T21:33:00.000-05:00

Being cool. It's what we are all about.

Wait, I'm sorry. You are above being cool. In fact you are the salt and the light of the earth. Being cool is nonessential to you, instead seeking and serving God is your purpose and you have no need to get caught up in the ways of the world.

Then why do I feel we are very similar, if not a tad nicer, than our worldly counterparts? Why do we sit and watch hours of reality television that primarily consists of people plotting, bickering, and making meager attempts to prove Darwin's survival of the fittest law applies only to them? Shouldn't we be reading and memorizing scripture instead? Why could we readily rattle off pop culture facts much easier than the listing of the twelve apostles? Why do we associate only with people that look and act essentially like ourselves. Do not even the tax collectors do that?

Being cool. It's what we are all about.

You see, I don't think we're that much different than the world we live in. I'd like to think we are but I think many of us desire to appear tolerant, even "loving", foregoing our call to be different. We have thus made idols of things like not using curse words and abstaining from alcohol to prove that we are different. Maybe we won't even smoke, but what child with a D.A.R.E. education would?

Please excuse me. I need to go watch Gray's Anatomy.

A Bobo's LIfe

2006-06-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

A few years back a good friend called me a bobo. I had no idea what he meant at the time, although when he explained the term to me it made sense and mostly fit my situation. Recently I've been reading the book Bobos in Paradise: The New Upperclass and How They Got There which defines the term. A bobo, you see, is a combination of the words bourgeois and bohemian. These words have historically stood in stark contract of each other. Bourgeois stands for "of, relating to, or characteristic of the townsmen of the social middle class" while bohmeian is defined as "a person with artistic or literary interests who disregards conventional standards of behavior." Up until the past four decades, it was impossible to be both rising middle class and nonconformist at the same time.

Yet that is not the case today. Today's bobos struggle with their affluence, increasing work demands, and societal concerns. They want to be depicted as carefree, yet often they are moderately wealthy and materialistic despite their despise for wealth and over-involvement. Coming after the age of baby boomers, when excessive work and busyness was valued, bobos want to generally have a good time despite their position in society.

This peculiar circumstance is one I am all too familiar with. As a Christian my despise for worldly (i.e. materialistic) concerns increases the struggle between my bourgeois and bohemian tendencies. I am deeply aware that it is "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than a [wealthy] man to enter the kingdom of Heaven." Yet I enjoy my job and situation. How do I balance the ways of being a bobo and a Christian? What impact does living in perhaps the richest nation of all time have on my ability to know and love God? As society places labels and terms upon our generation, how does tha affect how I view Christianity, and moreover, God?

So there you go. Possibly a new term; perhaps some interesting questions to ponder. Think it over - I'm going to go enjoy a bobo's life.

Bronte Makes My Knees Go Weak

2006-06-07T22:45:00.000-05:00

Now this is good writing:

"Arraigned at my own bar, Memory having given her evidence of the hopes, wishes, sentiments I had been cherishing since last night--of the general state of mind in which I had indulged for nearly a fortnight past; Reason having come forward and told, in her own quiet way a plain, unvarnished tale, showing how I had rejected the real, and rabidly devoured the ideal;--I pronounced judgment to this effect:-

That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breath of life; that a more fantastic idiot had never surfeited herself on sweet lies, and swallowed poison as if it were nectar."

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte (Ch. 16)

Post-Bloggism or Exercising My Free Will

2006-06-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

Peter's dad, in a spurious attempt to send Peter and I out of blogging retirement quipped, “Of course post-modernism eclipsed modernism, but I believe a new age has dawned – post-bloggism.” Yes, it was indeed said that eloquently because, well, he’s Peter’s dad. The boy came from somewhere you know. (My apologies to those of you who don’t know Peter – I’d give you his facebook ID but I’m opposed to such things and I imagine he is too. His blog however is: Http://peterrice.blogspot.com.)

However, it is my brother, not Peter’s dad who is forcing me out of retirement – at least for tonight. Apparently my lack of blogging has slowed down traffic on his site. So this is my meager attempt to generate more revenue for him

My topic tonight is the age ole question – free-will vs. determinism. Since I just had surgery and I am oddly obeying doctor’s orders and have the faculties of one arm, I’ll keep it short and say nothing of consequence on the subject at all.

Let me say this. It is a vitally important question. The reason is because by defining our viewpoint on the issue we identify our understanding of the nature we have with our creator. This comes across in how we speak of God, our prayers to Him, and even how we evangelize. So without giving you any insights – dwell on this issue for just a bit. It will do you good.

WC: 240
1A: 13 min, 18.5 WPM
2A: 3 min, 80 WPM

Some Effort Required

2006-04-24T22:19:00.000-05:00

I recently signed off from the bizarre world of FaceBook. For those of you who don't know, Facebook is a service which allows you to broadcast to the world important things about yourself including: your favorite books, your political affiliation, and most importantly your relational status. Anyone can search for you, although you have to grant people "friend" status to view your entire profile.

For awhile I thought it was mildly amusing as I tried to acquire as many "friends" as possible. Naturally I couldn't keep up with the college crowd who boasted some two-to-three hundred friends. I was a decently popular guy in college, but even at the height of my quasi-popularity I was not filled with the delusion that I had that many friends.

Then it dawned on me. This tool, while attempting to make life easier and draw people closer, had added one more layer of superficiality to our high-tech world. It allowed people to know me without them ever talking to me. It allowed old friends to stay in touch by "writing on my wall" instead of making a phone call or writing an email (which is another subject altogether).

So I removed myself from this madness. People who know me and want to stay involved in my life will be in regular communication with me via phone, email, or physical interaction. Those who would like to get to know me should not think that finding out I like Star Wars from a website draws them closer to me. Instead they should go through normal channels of relational development to build a friendship. Even a blog should not be used as a substitute for true human interaction, although it often is!

Don't get me wrong - I see the value added in all technologies. I just like to make a strong case for the good ole days. Yes, that's right - the '80s.

Don't know? Don't shrug!

2006-04-17T22:02:00.000-05:00

I threw my shoulder out of socket. Again. This time it was the shower. Last time I was sleeping soundly in bed, only to have the rudest awakening of my life. There never really is a good time to throw one's shoulder out although if you're going to do it, then it's best to be near an ER room with good anisthesia drugs.

The interesting thing about throwing out your shoulder is that, for a brief period of time at least, you find out what its like to miss a limb. Now granted, I currently have released myself from my sling to write this article, but for the better part of the weekend I have been living life with only one arm to function.

What's been more interesting though is that I've become more aware of my nonverbal communication skills. You see, apparently I shrug my shoulders a lot. This I never knew until I derived great pain from performing the act. Apparently I don't know a lot. But last night, during the midst of dreaming I even shrugged my shoulders, so I must be nonverbally communicating to my subconcious friends. Strange, I know.

Tis all. I'd write more but I am slowly becoming a democrat as I watch the West Wing. However, I was urged to write a post today and I'm making good on that request. Perhaps more inspiring thoughts to come, but for today a trivial expose on my shoulder. And please, if you see me in the next few days...side hugs only please!

The Side Hug

2006-03-23T21:45:00.000-06:00

I think its time we eliminate the side hug. Perhaps we should replace it with the enthusiastic high-five.

You see, you have your two types of hugs: full-frontal and side hug. The full-frontal communicates care, concern, and closeness. The side hug seems to say, "Nice to see you...now be on your way." Its almost like the proverbial question of "How are you?" asked merely out of politeness.

Now I realize that the side hug probably started occuring because of two main reasons. First, there was some concern amongst churchfolk that full-frontal hugs could arrouse sexual tension between a man and a woman. It might send mixed signals and confuse both parties, thus we should clearly communicate with perhaps a few pats around the shoulder, "Hey...you're...a...good...friend." Thus we came up with the side hug to avert this all together to show people that we're close, but not that close. The second reason is because somewhere along the way guys were educated to the point that they realized that giving hugs showed they had some degree of emotional depth. However, going in for the real deal posed too much of a threat to their masculinity, so they came up with the side-hug as a worthy compromise.

Here's what I'm proposing. The high-five can send a much stronger message of warmth and concern then a 3-second side hug. So if you can't come to terms with a full-hug, than the high-five will suffice. This would work particularly good on dates that doesn't go as expected. Recently I was on a date and I was given the side-hug. I'm not ignornat, I knew this meant that I was now her new "good friend." Wouldn't it have been such a better story though if we ended on a high five?

Not so Enlightened

2006-02-04T22:26:00.000-06:00

I love the scientific method. The first time I remember seeing it in motion was when attempting to prove that plants living in sunlight are going to be far better off than plants sitting in my teacher’s closet. The second experience I believe was seeing those very same plants reacting positively to Aerosmith.

Thus from a very early age I was taught that all of my life questions could be solved by this simple five step process. I naturally applied it to everything I came into contact too, including girls.

Then postmodernism stepped in and rocked my world. I suddenly realized that all questions could not be answered by the scientific method. Apparently everything cannot be proven, and the world is not composed of questions that can be tested, proven, and summarized in a nicely packaged theory.

Nowhere has this proven more evident than with dating. I’ve played “the game” horribly and succeeded however briefly and won. I’ve played “the game” great and lost mightily. I’ve watched 10 Ways to Lose a Guy and read Pride and Prejudice and applied my new found knowledge to the female gender only to come up wanting.

I think the thing I’m realizing, and yes I’m a bit late on this one, is that no two situations are the same and you cannot apply a given set of rules to each new person you are interested in or go on a date with. Profound I know. However if you do figure out a fool-proof five-step method, be sure to let me know.

Why Jesus Didn't Date: The Super-Hero Conundrum

2006-01-07T10:59:00.000-06:00

Note: The following is not in the least bit to be regarded as a theological exegesis on the life of Christ. It is merely a humorous idea that popped in my head while taking a shower. Ideas like this are probably what will get me kicked out of the OC Grad Bible program.

Many a times when discussing dating with friends, or perusing literature on the subject matter, the question arises, “Why don’t we have Biblical examples of Jesus dating? He’s supposed to have gone through everything we have but he sure missed the boat on this issue!” Certainly the omission of what was going on in his life between twelve and thirty does lead one to wonder that he might have hit the local galleria a time or two with a beautiful Jewish woman.

After watching many movies involving super-heroes, and namely Batman and Spider-Man come to mind, I think the answer is pretty clear. If you are going to be a super-hero, and let’s face it, Jesus is the apex of super-heros, then you have to make some sacrifices. The reason often given is the danger and potential life sacrifice involved in saving the world, and typically the hero knows that its not good to get emotionally attached for fear of either than person being held hostage in each subsequent sequel or for fear of not being able to make the necessary sacrifices for mankind when its time to save the world.

We can easily see how Jesus, who had prophecy after prophecy predicting his demise for the salvation of the world, could see this as a slight relationship hazard. How could you start a family knowing that at the ripe age of thirty-three you would be ridiculed and eventually hung up on a cross? That would not be easy to explain to his three year old.

Now thankfully what Jesus did give us was a perfect example of how we should interact with others. Granted there are a few family interaction techniques I would probably avoid amongst the Blackwell clan. Not to say that I haven’t tried the line a few times on my family, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” The pursuant Christmas wasn’t quite as white as the previous.

No, Jesus actually does teach us in his interactions with all of mankind how to deal lovingly with people, and that includes those we date. And I’m a bit thankful that there aren’t explicit rules from him that go something like, “Thou shalt only give a hug on the first date.” Not that I would be worried about eternal condemnation if that were a rule.

Putting Things in Perspective

2006-01-01T15:58:00.000-06:00

I think we as human beings like being melodramatic. At each new point in our life we like to throw up our hands and say, "Good gracious -- life is stinking hard!" I mean, I've only really probably gone through a few stages thus far but I remember thinking in the prime of my teenage years that no one understood just how difficult it was to be a teenager in the 90's. We had it rough: no war, the Internet was being created by Al Gore, and Bill Clinton was leading us to unfathomable economic prosperity of untold measure. What is a hormonally driven teenager to do?

Now I'm twenty-five and I've finally transitioned out of college and into the working world. Life is filled with new complications as the hormones have slightly dampered and I now have more concern about my future: where will I live, who will I marry, must I become a monk at 35? All valid and reasonable concerns.

But then I went to Tealridge today, the assisted living home near Oklahoma Christian, for a mid-afternoon worship service and I realized that I was just another player in God's great game known as our physical life. Each stage of our life is filled with new challenges, and its our responsibility to handle them with joy, wonder and amazement.

I mean, seriously, one day I'll have to deal with a child who will be the first human being who has ever successfully messed with my sleep cycle. Those will be trying days for sure! And, shortly after that I'll be scheduled for my mid-life crisis in which I'll have to go buy a Honda Accord 2026 to make me feel better about myself. What fun times I have to look forward to!

My point is this: appreciate the stage you are at and live it to the fullest. God is rather ingenious with us on this point, because if we live out each time frame in our life with faith we will continually mature and grow. I did not arrive at 16 when I could finally drive, and nor have I arrived at 25 now that I have a good job and Mr. Honda.

There is a reason for each stage and that is for God to work on you. Even admist being single and perhaps facing uncertainty and loneliness, God is using that time to develop dependency on Him and perhaps even weaken dependency on others.

No, I have not arrived. I won't arrive till I hit my final destination. What a journey its going to be though!

Why Intelligent Design Should Be Left Out of the Classroom

2005-12-23T16:57:00.000-06:00

Its been a longtime since I've been controversial, and often I am merely controversial for the sheer challenge of being a devil's advocate on an issue which is so apparent for what side I would naturally lean towards. Once again I want to take a page out of my former roommate and good friend Matt Gambill's blog and discuss why intelligent design should not be taught in school. Or at least the science classroom.

Intelligent design, the latest dressing of creationism, has become a hot topic amongst evangelical Christians and the scientific community. The long and short is that proponents of I.D. believe that the universe is so complex that it could not happen by random occurrence and evolution. Thus we are led to believe, although God is not inherently always mentioned, that there is a designer. Naturally I subscribe to this theory.

What I don't subscribe to is that this theory should necessarily be taught in science class. Science, at its core, is a deductive model of looking at the universe around us. Basically science eventually hinges on full exploitation of the scientific method where we observe, formulate hypothesis, and test our predictions to see if we can create a repeatable phenomenon.

The problem is that belief in an intelligent designer eventually leads to a leap of faith and will never be provable inconclusively. Faith defined is usually stated as belief in things not seen (or for our discussion, observed). Since this cannot be done, the institution of science will never be able to say without a doubt that there is a creator (although it does give us a lot of evidence to believe so).

The point I'm getting at is that perhaps intelligent design, creationism and other like theories are better left taught in a philosophy, English, or history class. However, I would also assert that evolution should not be stated as fact and always remain as a theory until it can be proven inconclusively as well. And to that extent all data that conflicts with evolution should be brought to the table and discussed.

I'd like to end my little diatribe here with one last thought. If our goal is ultimately to teach people about God, losing the battle in the classroom should not be our biggest concern. Rather we need to fight the battle of the heart and help people overcome the hurt, struggles and pain of this world by showing them the love of God and the grace given to them.

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Side note: I know I said I would discuss the answers behind my quiz, but I think I've talked to the majority of interested people about my quiz. If you are still curious email me or leave a comment and I will go ahead and post it next time. Just thought it might be seen as a bit vain.

Want to Be Like Matt

2005-12-10T19:09:00.000-06:00

I wish I could be as cool as my former roommate. In an attempt to do so I am copying his last blog post. Try to get higher than 50% on this quiz. It's so hard I can't even get a 100% on it.

Take the Quiz!

**Editor's Note: I will post some of the more surprising results and an explanation to my answers either late this week or early next, after I'm satisfied everyone who probably wanted to take it has taken it. I've found some of your answers quite illuminating thus far! :)

Wanderlust...in America

2005-12-08T00:14:00.000-06:00

In the summer before my junior year I discovered that there is life beyond the borders of this great land known as America. Until then I thought that the only way to get around was in a minivan, listening to tapes of the Beach Boys all the while restraining myself from dismembering my infuriating little brother. Our wonderful van took me across many a great body of water, namely the Mississippi, but ne'er did it take me across the Atlantic or Pacific Ocean.

And then, in one life-altering summer, I stumbled upon Europe and encountered more countries then I would states that year. A whirlwind tour exposed me to Poland, Czech Republic, Germany, Italy and Sweden. I discovered people who did not speak my language nor shared my customs. Recently I've had the great opportunity to go to Australia and Japan. One country seemingly similar to America, but oh so different, and one a far cry from anything remotely close to the US (except their equal fetish for American pop culture).

But a recent trip to Seattle has reminded me again of the treasure known as America. My friend Peter and I used to discuss what a great country it is that we live in, and not merely for its economic wealth that it has provided us. No, America is great because it literally contains a bit of everything. Every type of landscape you would hope to see out in the world you can find in some part of America. And you even find a wide array of culture too! You can bet the people here in Seattle, if we sat down for a chat over coffee, and of course it would be coffee here in Seattle, would think that I'm about the biggest good ole boy they've ever encountered and would tell me that I should have gone out of style at least fifty years ago (talk about a run on sentence!). And I would be horrified by their trendy viewpoints and moral stances as well, thanking God for the good ole Bible Belt despite its many misgivings.

No, America will probably never hold the same allure for me as the great ancient cultures of Asia, or the refined European nations, but it does hold a special place in my heart. And whenever a three day weekend does occur, it's probably a safe bet to put your money on Mr. Honda hitting the highways for yet another road trip.

Now if we could ever just get a rail system built...

Hiatus

2005-11-28T07:32:00.000-06:00

I will be taking a brief break from blogging. I'm not sure if that means a few days or a few weeks, but I need a little bit of time to gather my thoughts. Thanks.

Engaging the Beautiful

2005-11-21T22:45:00.000-06:00

"...Blake, the next time you're at a big social event, I want you to walk right up to the prettiest girl in the room and say, 'I've come to talk to you in spite of the fact that you're the most shockingly gorgeous woman in this room.'" --Watch out beautiful girls, I've been given a charge and I'm not going to let my dear friend Peter down!

Actually Peter is right. There are a lot of times that the victims of so-called discrimination actually become the discriminators themselves. It is easy for many groups to feel that it is the world that owes them the time of the day, the red carpet, the best bagel in the shop all because they feel that they have been oppressed so long.

While I won't push the gender or the racial card tonight (believe me Ann, I'd love too), I will instead focus on a group of people I feel intimately in touch with -- short people. Too long have I looked up to my taller counterparts and thought, "Well aren't they something special because they can stuff me in a game of hoops" and not even given them the time of day. Ok, just kidding, but indeed it is true that I tend to shy away from actually mingling with what could be considered the social upper-class, the beautiful, the guitar-playing, the Hillary Clintons.

And I think this is unfortunate. While I sit around and think of them as shallow, I have neglected the fact that they are real people with real problems, as much if not bigger then my own. I have avoided getting to know people who perhaps would be quite interested in speaking with someone who loves DOS as much as they secretly do. And why? Because I have reverse discriminated against them and put them on a pedestal that is out of reach.

Thank you for that reminder Pete. I needed it! :)

Be Scared Lord Voldermort - We Are Proud, We Are Strong, We are HP Fans!

2005-11-21T22:41:00.000-06:00

Last Thursday night was the Harry Potter premiere. Unstinking-believable. I have been to many premieres in my life but this is the first one where the theater actually broke out in sports arena type cheers. The upper half would yell out "Harry" while the lower would echo "Potter." Wow!

Harry Potter with the Magic Spoon

Oh to be a Monk

2005-11-13T12:00:00.000-06:00

...A monk is supposed to give up the idea of possessing anything, and, in this culture, that includes women. Ideally, in giving up the sexual pursuit of women, the male celibate learns to relate to them as human beings...I've seen young monks astonish an obese and homely college student by listening to her with as much interest and respect as to her conventionally pretty roommate. (The Cloister Walk)

Being single isn't easy. But particularly for a Christian young man who wants to exude the spirit of Christ in all his relationships. As I was reading a chapter in The Cloister Walk I was astonished by Norris's candid remarks on the differences between celibate monks and your average Joe. Monks come off as genuine, concerned, and interested whereas average Joes come off as seeking a goal, be it a long lasting monagamous relationship or more likely, sex.

You see, the thing is, its easy to be like the Average Joe. If you walk into a group of people, you most naturally are going to gravitate to the most engaging or attractive person and want to join their conversation or become a part of their group. It is more difficult to seek out the hurting, the emotionally needy, or those who don't seem quite as exotic.

My desire is to be more like the monks, who are easily approachable and refreshingly enjoyable no matter who engages them, or who they engage in conversation. I continuously try to make an effort to talk to everyone, no matter their appearance or popularity. Yet that isn't always easy, and it is something I have to continually battle everytime I am in a group of large people. However my natural inclinations feel amazingly transparent when I do try to talk to everyone.

The thing that is difficult about monks is that it appears that they have actually controlled their inner desires and stripped away the superficialities in their hearts and minds. That is a point I have yet to achieve, and something that will take a long time to arrive at. But it is a battle I want to win and one I will continually be actively engaged in. Tarry on!

Wooing the Ladies with the English Language

2005-11-08T17:28:00.000-06:00

Language took on a whole new dimension once I went to Japan. I now can almost visually see words and sentences coming together, much as if I was regularly partaking of LSD. I also had plenty of downtime while waiting to go to work, so I read some fairly decent novels including Brothers Karamazov and Great Expectations. Both of these books convinced me that peasants in Russia and England respectively have far greater vocabularies then I do, not to mention a firm grasp on poetry and being bi or trilingual to boot.

So anyways, in an attempt to advance myself, or at least prepare for the GRE, I attempt to use the best possible word I can muster when ever talking to someone. Generally this probably makes me look like I am a bit slow rather than remarkably brilliant, but perhaps diction proficiency only improves with time.

This got me to wondering, at 5:45 this morning, does this impress females? Will I be able to woo them with my firm grasp of vernacular? In a time of sadness would they rather hear "I am so sorry" or would they be much better soothed with words like, "Woe is you in this hour of dark despair." Personally the latter would send me in the throes of the dashing young gentleman who used such words, but alas, I am not female and certainly not Lizza Bennett.

Ladies, please, provide me with some insight into your minds so I will know how better to sweep you off your feet!

The Cloister Walk

2005-11-06T15:49:00.000-06:00

This month the MRCC Singles' book club is reading a book called The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris. Norris was the inaugural speaker at the McBride faith and literature lectures and she was unbelievably good. There are times that words almost seem to take visible form where they are just floating around the room and connecting together in pleasing and easily comprehensible structures. Listening to her that night was one of those experiences and thus fellow book clubee Melissa Shumate and I decided that she would make a great read.

And indeed she has. Amongst other things she has inspired me to become a monk! Ok, well I probably won't become a monk but a life that's day to day moments are dedicated to living and experiencing God and His son is inspirational. I really do think that if I find myself single at around 35 I will join a monastery for a few years just to gain the enlightenment that comes from that experience.

One of the things I've learned from a mere sixty pages of reading is that monasteries aren't self-encased safe havens that totally remove an individual from the world. Monks, and nuns for that matter, are truly trying to live lifes separate from worldly pleasures yet they still make an evangelical impact on those that come to contact with them. I think too often in the past I have written them off as living in a bubble and not in touch with the world they live in. However I think this is great ignorance on my part, and there is more to this lifestyle then I originally thought.

I sometimes wonder if those of us who live in the world try to have the best of both worlds. Work with me because this is an idea still in development and not fully thought out. But we are blessed with so many worldly pleasures in America and become so busy and distracted with entertainment, technology, and activities that we spend less and less time actually focusing on God. Yet we at the same time try to bring God back into those crowded spaces and attempt to be "spiritual." I'm not sure you can actually do both.

Perhaps thats why we try to impose spiritualism on our society and why we focus on things like morality so often as opposed to a relationship with God. Morality is not always tied to righteousness, or for that matter, spirituality, but we figure that as long as we are doing right then we are being spiritual. And if we lead others to have to live by our moral code we are fighting the war against the evil powers that exist in this world all the while forgetting to focus more and more on God and less on ourselves and this world.

More rambling will ensue from this book, but as I'm just starting it I wanted to give you some insight into what Kathleen has to say. If some of these thoughts seem strange or off the wall, remember, she's a poet! I blame it on all these artistic people for being not so systematic in my theology!

I Love DOS

2005-10-31T21:08:00.000-06:00

Blogs are amazing. Some blogs clue you in to ever so helpful information as to what type of food the blogger ate today and whether or not they walked their dog. You might also get stunning insights into their favorite color as well if you are lucky and check back often. Other blogs are much deeper and tap into spiritual, philosophical or even political musings. And then you come upon a blog ever so rare as to wonder what the person behind the keyboard is actually like. I encounted one of the blogs last week and have been going back regularly ever since.

The name of the blog? DOS. Now some of you may have never heard of DOS, and thats ok. Our wonderful friend, who we will call Marvin henceforth (I hate to genderize a person but I think it is pretty safe to assume that this writer is a male), has provided us a wonderful synopsis of DOS as his first post. And the posts just get better and better from there.

The question that comes to my mind is whether Marvin is pulling our leg, or is he really and truly this cool? This is a guy I'd like to go out with on a Friday night, as I'm sure a majority of my female readers would too and perhaps fight me for that very right. I mean, it is hard to keep up with M-Dawg because he always informing us of some new and unheard of feature in DOS. Simply incredible!

That's it for today. I just wanted to pay tribute to a truly awe inspiring blog. I am not nearly as worthy of my piece of internet real estate as Marvin has proven himself to be in just a week's worth of writing. Keep up the good work my comrade!

Three Days and then let the Greetings Ring!

2005-10-29T11:47:00.000-05:00

Less then three days away till November 1st. I think we all know what that means! Actually, I don't think that most of you do besides a few of my closest friends who have had to share in Christmas music bliss nearly a month longer then they'd like. You see, on November 1st, its Christmas season! Or at least in my mind it is!

For years I've struggled come the end of October to hold off to listening to my favorite genre of music. I believe it happened sometime in college that my roommates finally agreed upon November 1st being an acceptable day to start listening to Christmas music. And so each year I eagerly await the moment where I can blast Noel and We Three Kings from my computer. Just this morning I had to restrain from the urge of queuing up iTunes and blasting away a little Mannheim Steamroller.

One of the reasons I love Christmas music is because of a very special band, Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Before I came into contact with TSO I was of the illusion that Christmas music had to be very sweet and melodic. Boy was I ever wrong! Noel sounds amazing to the tune of several rock guitars! Wow! This year, for the second year in a row, I will be attending their holiday concert and I am prepared to jam the holidays into existence once more!

So Merry Christmas everyone! And don't listen to those naysayers who would lead you to believe that we must wait till after Thanksgiving. Its just not right!

Say No to Castes

2005-10-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

I like people. I also like people who like people.

My friend Peter and I always like to talk about group dynamics. We love to watch people and how they interact, and especially the groups we interact daily in. Needless to say this created endless conversations while we were in Japan in relation to our fellow AETs and also in our relation to the Japanese, and the Japanese amongst themselves.

Friday night was an interesting study into groups. Eight of us found ourselves at Pei Wei for an evening of good eating and good entertainment (Dum-Dum Head and Chairman Mao). The thing that made the evening interesting though was that the group consisted of eight people who normally don't hang out together. We came from multiple walks in our church. Sure we shared the same faith, and we were all middle-class single twenty-somethings, but beyond that we were as diverse as it comes: athletic and non-athletic, engineers to waiters, popular and unpopular, beautiful and average looking.

As I was going over the night in my head as I laid in bed, I cannot imagine the night without any one of those people. The uniqueness of the group was what made the evening work, and without any one of those people, it would not have been as enjoyable. Add another person, and the whole situation could have been quite different. Subtract a person and again the evening would have turned out differently.

I'm not sure I really have a point tonight. But I do enjoy being in a group with no agendas, no social jockeying, just plain enjoyment of one another's company. That's why I like people. That's why I like people who like people.